I Was Kicked When I Was Down (quite literally)

Today was tough…..on many levels.

I am sick. Not quite sure if it’s allergies or a cold….but I’m miserable nonetheless.  Then you take a child who rages at any given moment for no apparent reason, and I’ve got pandamonium on my hands!

I was in MM’s room on my laptop while he was playing with his train table. MM came over to see what I was up to. He accidentially hit me in the hind end where my “box” is……you see, I have chronic pain and have a spinal cord stimulator implanted and the battery “box” is implanted subcutanously (just under the skin) in my upper rear end. Nice. I told him it hurt and to be careful because that hurts mommy. What happened next took me by surprise….I don’t know why it did, because he does this stuff from time to time. He rared back and kicked very hard on the box….with a look of intent and disgust on his face.

This came from no where. I didn’t “do” anything to illicit this behavior….I don’t have to. He was angry for some reason that I didn’t know. He was happily playing and then WHAM! Anger hits him at any given moment and he rages. Why? Don’t know as I’m still trying to figure this whole thing out.

We went in my room and I made him lay down with me (part of the bringing him closer and part of the “boy you’re in trouble and you can’t do anything” routine)….well, MM fell asleep so I took advantage of that and took a nap too. Remember, I’m sick and feeling miserable so a nap was what the Dr. ordered.

When we woke, things were all back to happy land. Like nothing ever happened. I resent that. But I also know that if I hold a grudge, he’s not going to learn to get through this.

Fastforward roughly 4 hours and out of the blue, as he was playing with his Thomas the Train leaning activity book….he did the sweetest thing. He came to me (without any prompting as I hadn’t said another word about what had happened earlier) and gave me not one, but two prized Thomas stickers and said, “Here mommy, this is for you to say I’m sorry for what I did earlier.”

Huh?! He’s never done anything like this before….giving me something because he’s sorry. I think he was truly sorry. It wasn’t because I was “asking” for an apology……he did it on his own.


Maybe we’re turning a corner here….maybe not. But it was nice.

Peace to each of you……