It’s been FOREVER, and GOSH….do I mean forever since I’ve posted…..I’m sorry. TOO much has been going on. I’ve been trying to stay afloat…..quite literally.
Lil man is not the same child since starting school a few weeks ago. He’s FULL of fear….constant FEAR and complete ANGER. I will explain in future posts….I promise. I must….and I do mean MUST post…for myself…..to be able to “get this out.” Those of you who’ve been there or those of you who are going through this, TOTALLY get what I’m talking about. I feel TOTALLY alone in this. I have almost no one to talk to. Those persons I thought I could talk to have abandonded me….quite literally. There were persons who’ve been there done that that I trusted more than anything in this world…..that abandonded me in my darkest hour. I went to them on my knees crying……begging for help…..and all I got was this….”gosh, I don’t know your schedule. You gotta call me.” THAT is when I KNEW in my heart of hearts who my REAL friends were. It’s so odd too, cuz this friend told me shortly before she abandonded ME…that I was the ONLY one who NEVER abandoned HER….isn’t life strange like that?!
I do have ONE friend who has NOT failed me. She is the ONE true friend…..I can count on. She is the ONE who has consistently and I do mean consistently, no matter if she heard from me or not, sent me text messages to let me know that she was thinking of us….especially lil man…..to let me know she WAS THERE!!!!! I cry at the thought of KNOWING that THIS friend is the ONE….the ONE I KNEW would be there! THANK YOU…you know who you are…my very very dear friend!!!!!!!!!
Anways…..MY friends are NOT the most important thing….of course they ARE important!!! BUT the MOST important is LIL MAN!!!!!!!! He is in a mess….a terrible mess. School is killing him. He adores it…loves the work itself, which I KNEW in my heart he would. But he’s torn….he wants so terribly to be home w/ mama. He’s sooo angry too….and he’s taking it ALL out on ME…not daddy at all. He’s doing things to ME that he’s NEVER EVER done in his short 4 years home with us!!!! He’s now hitting me, kicking me, screaming directly IN my face, and NOT LETTING me hold him…..and actually pushing me away for about 15-20 minutes while trying to calm him down…NEVER done this before school started!!!!!!!!
He’s HOLDING IT IN while in school……
and EXPLODING at home…..it’s horrible.
I’ll write more later……I gotta “Rest” before the storm……