Have Yourself a Merry Little “Meltdown”!!

Hello everyone!

It’s been tough here, I won’t lie. We have more meltdowns and “bad” days than “good” anymore. I’m certain the Holiday Stress takes it’s toll on ALL of us, not just the adults that are hustling & bustling about making certain all is taken care of for Christmas. I truly believe our children actually FEED off of our own stressors and whatever environment we “provide” for them.

We ALL want a picture perfect Christmas Season, right? You know, something that looks like this:

christmas-tree1

We ALL wish for that! We ALL work so hard to make our own homes, lives and families have the BEST for Christmas….and I’m not talking the BEST presents either…..I’m talking about the BEST Christmas experience so that when our children grow up, they have fond memories of enjoying this amazing season!!

My own “Past Christmas” memories are so wonderful!! We NEVER had a lot of money growing up, heck, we hardly had ANY money growing up!! But my mom (single mom with 4 kiddos after my dad left her penniless..literally….when I was only 13 yrs old & there were 3 others younger than myself) was amazing!! She was so wonderful at letting us kiddos see the TRUE meaning of Christmas. Our Christmas’ were riddled with tradition!! I, still to this day, keep some of those traditions alive in my own family!! We never went hungry, but had little money to just be frivilous with it, as a matter of fact, the FIRST time I ate out in a restaurant was on my First Date when I was 16!! Mom knew what was important and stuck to her guns! I so look up to my mom and when it comes to raising children, I look at how she raised us to the BEST of her abilities!! I even remember one particularly financially hard Christmas for my mom and all of us kiddos only got ONE Christmas present!! ONE!!! And we all got the exact same present…a bottle of hairspray each. And you know what, it didn’t matter to ANY of us that it was ALL we got. Not one of us was resentful or upset, we were telling mom that she didn’t have to…and with tears in HER eyes, said she wanted to do “something” for us! We were all teenagers at the time as well. What teenager in this day and age isn’t begging for a cell phone, iPad, Wii, etc? Times have changed, haven’t they? Or maybe it is US that has changed?! Now that WE are the parents…we need to get BACK to what is important, don’t we?!

Well, little MM is having a rough go of things. With his SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), there is an incredible amount of EXTRAS going on around him at this, what WE call the “Most magical time of year!” We go to the grocery, & there are SO MANY extra ppl rushing about, SO MANY more lights, SO MANY more toys around every corner to get US to spend more money, SO MANY more poor attitudes as ppl FEEL rushed about, & I could go on and on and on. ALL of this seems somewhat “Normal” to us, right? We have grown accustomed to seeing this year after year. But I forget sometimes that my son, who is sensitive to those types of things, gets more “frantic” and “meltdowns” MUCH more quickly in those situations!! I MUST MUST MUST think of him first and foremost! Not the tree, not the decorations, not the last minute grocery shopping, and certainly NOT making this Christmas “perfect”!! It’s almost as if my son is asking ME……”Do you see what is really going on inside my head?” without saying a word….I NEED to be aware and sensitive to HIS needs!!

Do you REALLY see what is going on INSIDE my head

Let me be honest here. His behaviors have been SO OFF that dh even considered having Santa NOT come this year!! Yes, he’d get some things from us, but not Santa. I slept on it and prayed about it, because as tempting as it sounds to try to “help” him understand that his behaviors really ARE so off, taking away Christmas & Santa will NEVER EVER help him in any way, shape or form, I believe. This is NOT the way to reach our son…not at all. We are learning as we go. Needing to try “new and different” things as the old techniques aren’t working right now. They haven’t since he started school back in August. That really affected him in ways I’ve yet to understand!!

I am looking at this Christmas as our “Charlie Brown Christmas!” Why you ask? It really hit me a couple of days ago when my dh said something to our son and I’ll explain my reply to his comment. This year has been particularly hard on us. My health is declining rapidly, which doesn’t help MM with his stress levels in any way. I’m feeling awful all the time, and he sees that, but I’ve ALWAYS tried my hardest to enjoy and DO what I can, while I can!!! I haven’t even sent out our Christmas cards yet this year! Can you say, Way Behind!? LOL! What dh said was after he’d worked a double, mind you, so he was pretty darned tired to begin with. MM was starting to downspiral quickly as he’d been doing so the past several days whenever we try to honestly DO ANYTHING!!!! When we picked out our tree, MELTDOWN! Went to get groceries, MELTDOWN! Went to go Christmas shopping for him and he needed to stay with Grandma, MELTDOWN! Hence the name of my post…”Have yourself a Merry Little Meltdown!” Now, onto the other night…..we were JUST starting to bring in decorations to decorate our tree…MELTDOWN!! It gets all too easy to get extremely frustrated in the moment, doesn’t it?! We ALL do it…including me!!!! Dh, then turned to MM and said, “Gosh, we can’t do anything anymore without you having a MELTDOWN!! I’ve worked all night and then all day (double), without a nap before leaving and now I have to deal with THIS tonight, too!? Why can’t we just put up our tree without any Meltdowns?! Tell me, please!” I answered for MM, “Because this IS our normal!”

That is a hard one to accept…that THIS IS OUR NORMAL!!!!! Let me further explain why I said I feel like this is our “Charlie Brown Christmas”…..ok.

CHARLIE BROWN TRIES TO PERK UP THE FORLORN LITTLE CHRISTMAS TREE

Just as Charlie Brown tried his very BEST to bring the BEST Christmas tree he could find to the pagent for his friends, and we all know how that turned out, right?! His friends were SO disappointed in his choice. What if I were looking at our son as the tree? MM’s bring HIS BEST to us….and guess what? There is opportunity for growth, too! Not just for the tree, but for US in how we SEE the tree!!!!

Check this out:

charliebrownxmas4

We see everyone else’s “trees and decorations” and get upset with ourselves and second-guessing ourselves…wondering what is it that WE’RE doing wrong?! Failing to see the beauty in what we ALREADY have!!

Now this:

charlie-brown-christmas3

We talk it out, read a book or something online that stands out above all the rest to REALLY open our eyes to what is RIGHT in front of us!!! The ONE person who speaks to me the MOST is Bryan Post!!! He was an adoptive child who suffered from RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) as does my son. Bryan Post is now an advocate for ALL adoptive children and owns/runs and is a Counselor for The Post Institute. I listened to an interview he did just the other night, (it was done back in November though) and WOW, I was so glad that I did….it was JUST what I needed to hear!! I couldn’t wait to tell my dh to listen to it as well!! I HIGHLY reccomend ALL of you to give Bryan a try….he really knows what he’s talking about as he LIVED it!!! I’ve been following him for a Long time now and look forward to reading him, getting posts from him, etc. He is quite insightful!!! Here is the link to his blog: http://bryanpost.com/

Then we come to this:

Charlie-Brown-Christmas6Actually seeing the beauty for what it really is!!!!!! How amazing a place that is!!! How freeing that is for both the parent AND the child!!!!!!

And finally:

charlie-brown-christmas5Everyone else is able to see through YOUR eyes the beauty of it as well AND rejoice in it!!!!!

In closing, I’m glad my husband said what he did because it DID open my eyes that night. I’ve said it before, that “this is our NORMAL” but sometimes I tend to forget when we get busy with the holidays, and I shouldn’t ever do that. Our son comes before ANY holiday, stress, or LIFE event..by any stretch of the imagination!!!

It is my prayer that your family is able to enjoy YOUR NORMAL this holiday season!!!!!!

Many blessings to you and your children,

~Mama249

 

 

 

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My Facelift!!

I thought I’ve give the blog a “facelift”!!! I adore anything pink…..and I mean anything. My dh thinks I own too much pink in my wardrobe….lol. AND when I “accidentially” wear pink on top AND bottom…..he calls me a “Pink Nightmare”!! He’s gonna love this facelift of mine….he’s going to say….”figures it’d be pink!” Speaking of which….time to change purses to my Guess one with the pink in it…LOL!! It is Spring around the corner ya know!!

Speaking of “Spring around the corner,” it is snowing and I mean snowing hard out as I type these words. We had tornado warnings 2 days this past week….TWO DAYS of them…..that is insane. One of the days was really awful. Myself and MM went to my MIL’s house and camped out in her cellar for the duration of the storm. Funny thing is….they have a potato bin (farmers in the family) and there is dirt on the top of it where the potatoes are first laid……lil Munchkin Man brought his magnet Thomas the Train down with him to Grandma’s and was in HEAVEN when he discovered the dirt! It was so stinkin’ funny that when the storm had passed and it was time to go home…..MM didn’t want to leave…you guessed it…..because he wanted to continue playing in the dirt!!! LOL…boys!!!!

The Food Battle continues……on and on and on. He’s is a presistent lil bugger. One of these days, he’ll try something new. Tonight we had Chicken ‘n Dumpling’s and he wouldn’t even try it. He shoved his plate away saying “It Stinks!!” Oh well…..BUT we have a rule that Dinner time is family time…..all of us stay at the table until the last person finishes their dinner. THEN and only then can anyone be excused. He despises this…..saying that if he’s not eating, he shouldn’t have to sit there. Guess again sweetie pie!

Daddy worked a bunch of hours over the past few days so it was just MM and myself at bedtime tonight. We read about 4-5 stories on the iPad/Kindle app. I love that I can view all my Kindle purchases on the iPad…..they’re in color! Woo Hoo!!! I’ve been reading all MM’s children’s books to him in black and white…..kinda reminds me of my childhood where we only had a black & white Television. I had to “guess” what color clothes ppl had on…..that was kinda fun actually….using my immagination. BUT once we got color…..holy cow…..the whole TV WORLD opened up, didn’t it!?

I kinda see MM like that…..when he first came home, he was in black & white…..he hardly smiled. He had a blank face..no emotion on it at all in a lot of the pictures I took. I imagined him in “color”…..full of laughter and vivid!!! Yes…that is it…VIVID.

Then as he’s grown and we’ve grown through this process…..I see him more in color now. He’s more VIVID…..more willing to let us in. He has a wonderful smile…..and so many of the pictures I take….have so much personality in them!!!!! By no means am I saying that we don’t have a ways to go yet….man o man do we ever!!! But we’re getting there…..step by baby step.

And just what is our “BIG DREAM?” Total healing for MM. For MM to be able to trust, to not be so incredibly fearful, to be able to let go and just love without worry, to dream…..those incredible dreams kiddos have.

My life….my purpose is for him…..for MM. I know that I must take care of myself so that I can take care of MM….yes. But I mean….that I stay up late at nights…searching for answers…..answers that will be the ONE…you know….the one that will help. The one that will be an “Aha!” I will try that and see if it works…and it does!! That is my goal. Each and every single day….every breath I take….is for my family whom I adore. I wouldn’t trade this life for any other…..God entrusted us with MM….He trusted we would do what is best by him…..and take care of him…..and find him the best counselor…..the best of everything. We try, and try and try. We also fall sometimes…..that is ok…..we pick ourselves up, forgive and carry on.

My Dream….is his dream……to be able to dream peacefully. To live peacefully. To love peacefully.

 

Blessings to you and your children…..

Mama249

Yoga Anyone?

The food fight is still ongoing. Yeah……he’s stubborn, alright. But this Mama is not weak this time around……I’m still not going to give up on this. The last two nights Munchkin Man has refused to eat dinner. He pushes it away saying something like…”I’m not eating those nasty carrots or chicken!” I simply say, “Breakfast will be here in the morning, and by the way, don’t call my dinner ‘nasty’. It’s not polite to say that.”

I really don’t know what has gotten into me lately…..I have felt sluggish, tired and just downright blech. I truly feel it has to do with this extra weight I’m carrying unecessarily around, ya think! I’ve just felt so “blah”……like I’m a blob sitting here waiting for some miracle to happen and then wake up and it’s all been a dream…..and I’m skinny again!!! Wouldn’t that be sooo awesome!?

I’ve “magically” discovered that if I want to lose this extra weight, I’ve gotta get off my rump and do something about it. Gee….what took me so long to figure that one out…lol? I spoke with a friend of mine today and she stated that in the past 9 months, she’s lost 65 lbs and has managed to keep it off!! I’m so glad for her!!!! She gave me a great tip….drink lots and lots of water. Now, anyone who truly knows me….knows that I’m a true blue hard core Diet Dr. Pepper fan…..BIG TIME! You’ll be glad to know that I kicked that habit awhile back…..I no longer keep soda pop in the house AT ALL and only drink it when we go out for lunch/dinner. You should’ve seen me today……after I spoke with that friend of mine who recommended the water…..I think I must’ve drank about 10 glasses of water today!! LOL!!! She inspired me. Inspired me to actually do something about this…..rather than waiting for something to happen TO me…..I’ve got to DO something about it.

So…..a few weeks ago……or so……we ordered Netflix and while browsing the movie titles, I noticed they had some great exercise DVD’s to download and watch!! WOW…..Just what I needed!!! I was so excited. I thought….hhhhmmmm…..I’ve done some of these DVD’s before and never quite got much out of them…..HEY…..there’s Yoga…..never tried that before!! Now…first I tried this one Yoga called “10 Minute Yoga” something or other…..and it was HARD to do….but I stuck with it for that first week or less. I started reading the reviews (I know….I did it backwards…..I read the reviews AFTER I started the program…DUH) and found out that this particular one was NOT for beginners….Um…maybe that is why it was so hard on me. LOL!

I searched for a Yoga program more fitting to my needs. You see, I have Fibromyalgia and Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy which both cause LOTS of chronic pain. My Pain Mgmt Dr. recommended I do Yoga at my last visit as it would not only strengthen my body, but would actually help me to feel better (pain-wise). I wasn’t so sure I agreed at the time…..funny how we do that, huh? We pay our Dr’s to help us and then we don’t listen to them…..what is that all about? Anyways…..back to my search for a better Yoga program. I found one that is specifically FOR ppl with chronic pain and ppl who suffer common conditions…such as diabeties (which I don’t), weight-management (yes…I “suffer” with that), etc. This program, after pre-viewing it to see if it would fit my needs…..goes much slower and is more intuned with those who are in pain…..GREAT!! I finally found what I was looking for!! I gave it a whirl and haven’t looked back since! My son (MM) was always complaining when I would do my Yoga saying it took away from our time together…..he was getting a bit jealous I think….that I wasn’t keeping constant attention on him…which I don’t do anyways…..I give him SO MUCH but not constant. Then we sat down and had a little chat about it. I explained to MM that Mommy doesn’t get to play some things with him that he wants to because of my pain levels…..he said, yes, he knows that. Then I went on to explain that in doing Yoga, I’ll hopefully get feeling a lot better and be more able to do those things with him. BOY….he got so excited and told me to go do my Yoga!!! LOLOLOL!!!!!

Every day I get a bit more and more further along in the program…..able to go longer….as I’m learning and stretching those muscles that haven’t been used in a long stinkin’ time. I do have to say, though…..I honestly DO FEEL a lot better! I have lost about 6 lbs already (but gained a few back too) and my pain levels aren’t such that I cannot get down on the floor with MM for very long like it used to be. I’m sitting on the floor with him, playing and laughing with MM…we have so much more fun together because I’m taking better care of myself. I can actually feel myself getting more and more limber each day….a bit more even if only a tiny bit….so that I can be a better Mama to MM.

My point in writing about this? I have learned that in order to be a better Mama, I NEED to take better care of my health! It is vital in not only for ME….but especially for Munchkin Man….as he’s so worth all that stretching and Downward Facing Dog’s I do daily!!!!! When I get feeling like “I just simply don’t “feel” like it today…..” I think about MM….look into his sweet brown eyes……and say to myself…..how can I fail him by NOT taking care of myself!? I am a new person! I’m stronger…..and I’m more determined to succeed in this program!

What kinds of things have you promised to yourself to make YOU a better Mama? And what are YOU doing about it? Please share!!

BTW….today is Leap Day (Leap Year)…..My great-grandma’s birthday! She’s long gone to heaven, but I think of her a lot on this day. She was a kind soul. She could only speak broken-English (she was full-blooded Hungarian) and I remember vividly listening to her intently with wonder trying to figure out what she was saying. I found her so intriguing! I would sit at her feet or next to her and would watch her eyes (oh how they would glisten when she spoke) and would watch her mouth make shapes and sounds that were foreign to me…..I would imagine what she was saying…..Naturally it was always the most loving and wonderful things!! Happy Birthday, Great-Grandma…..You’re always in my heart, always in my thoughts….until I see you again…..XOXO!!

Blessings to you and your children……

Mama249