Apologies and Big Sisters

The very first thing I would like to discuss is the fact that I was absent for a couple of months from the blog. Please accept my sincerest of apologies. It was never my intent to stay away from the blog for so long! I want to stay up to date and current with this blog…but for some reason it slipped by the wayside. Bummer! Every day passed and here and again I’d think of the blog and I wasn’t going to start a post, such as I am this morning…gosh is it REALLY 4 AM?? I’d get a post in my head, and I’d head towards the computer and as fast as I’d get the idea….something would happen to divert my attention and “poof”……the moment was gone. Anyways….I am saying please forgive me for being away for so long and I hope some of you are still “with me” holding onto hope that I’d be back….while there are sure to be others that have given up hope and abandoned ship altogether. I sure hope those who did so, have a moment of clarity and at least once, decide to check back and see that I’m back to blogging! Thanks to those of you who stuck it out and have been patiently waiting for my return. Well….to that I say…..”I’m back , and hope to keep going strong!”

I’m Back!! So sorry to have been gone so long foks!

Now onto more exciting things going on in our corner of the world. We are on a sort of vacation. I am not sure I’d call it “vacation” per se….but we are out of town to visit my older daughters, who happen to be MM’s older sisters. MM doesn’t know his big sisters very well…but he loves them so much nonetheless and they him. These are my daughters from a previous marriage. They live with their dad in a different state, many many miles from us. I HATE that they live so far away from us, from me. I cry so much because I miss them terribly. But I have accepted this as the way it is and am moving forward to be the best mama I can be for MM’s sake. As I write these words in a dimly lit room in the middle of the night (very early wee early morning), my guys are snoring in the background. It is peaceful to me….to hear them sleeping so soundly. And to be honest…..I’m a wee bit jealous wishing that I could sleep that easily! MM is in the opposite bed…..I keep looking over at him……and I can’t help but smile at his curled up body….gently curled underneath the warmth of the blankets that keep him warm. And then there’s myself…wow, what can I say about an over-tired soul anxiously awaiting her daughters arrival this afternoon!?

Come on girls…I can’t hold out for much longer…it’s been WAY too long since our last REAL ((HUG))!!!

I want to catch up on what MM has been doing for the past few months. We have been working very hard on a few things. One such thing is “impulse control” or really the lack thereof. I, too, have noticed a BIG difference in him when it comes to handeling getting upset over small things. He will quickly get upset, knock down the blocks and then builds again. Munchkin man (MM) got his hair cut on Friday and I must mention that he was incredibly MUCH MORE sensitive to those things around him. The scissors were bothering him each time they cut into his hair. The loose hair after his hair cut was ALL over the place. I grabbed a tissue from the opened box and wiped off as much of the hair that was all over his face, chest, etc. MM’s skin is extremely sensitive…hence the issues with his diagnosis of SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder. I remember all too well when MM first came home to us (from another Country), and when we took him to get his hair cut. After I see she was trying to let it grow out for a reason….lol. Getting MM a hair cut early on was truly a nightmare for all of us….especially MM  but ..it was a “necessary ‘evil'” one might say!” I cried every single time I had to hold him down in order to get his hair cut. It was horrible! Dh and I actually had to physically “restrain” him in order to get his hair cut. At the time, we had NO IDEA he suffered with the SPD diagnosis. If we had. We’d of certainly done much better in the encourgement department! As it is right now….MM is MUCH better about getting his hair cut, that is…..until this past week. Every time the hairdresser touched  him…it tickled more than a “normal” tickle, and the loose hairs that were falling off his head were driving him crazy…yep…too tickely!!! The hairdresser had an idea……she took her blowdryer and tried to “blow” the loose hairs off! And, any of you reading this who have kiddos with SPD KNOW that will never work because the SPD kiddos cannot tolerate the blowdryer. For one, it’s too noisy, and another reason is the sensation is just “too much”. The hairdresser apologized and said that she does so many ppl’s hair that it’s hard to remember everyone’s likes and dislikes….but she tries and is wonderful with MM. I really do appreciate her!!

Hey there Mr. Hairdryer…..I will not let you win this time! Oh no! Think again!

Well….I’m going to go try to get some shut-eye for a little bit anyways. Thanks again for hanging in there with me!

Blessings to you and your children

~Mama249

 

Not to Be “Corny”……

Our food battles continue……I’m tellin’ ya….my son is persistent! Tonight I made one of his favorites:

Yep…..good ‘ole Hamburger Helper. I gotta continue to make something that he’ll eat so that he does eat dinner sometimes, ya know.  But…yep….there’s a but in this story…..I also had corn on the side (frozen….it tastes SO much better than canned). He saw his plate…..1 TBS of each on it…..and he immediately threw his head back and started in on the whining. I calmly stated to him that he can have more of the Hamburger Helper when he eats all that is on his plate. He whined a couple more minutes saying that he’s “scared to try it.” I told MM that I was there with him, what could I do to help?

Most likely, if he were older and thought of it…he’d of said, “Mommy, you can help me by taking this corn off my plate!” LOL.

After a few minutes of the whining….he said, “Oh, all right,” in the tone you can imagine when a child says this very thing. He asked if I’d feed it to him because he was scared. Certainly will dear one! If I can get him to start eating vegetables, sure, heck yeah….I’ll feed it to him!

He tasted the corn…..with some spray butter on it…..and he actually said he liked it. But then the next bite he said he didn’t. He kept asking me to put spray butter on the corn…..I put it on once and it would’ve been swimming in spray butter if I’d of put on how much he requested!!!!

He ATE THE WHOLE TBS of corn!!!!! I am so proud of him and told him so. He ran into our bedroom, where dh was sleeping (midnights tonight) after hearing him move around in there. MM was SO excited to tell daddy that he actually ate his corn!!!!! Daddy’s eyes were wide with delight.

I see a light now…..a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s still off far in the distance as I know we’ve got a huge battle on our hands. It’s our own faults…we let it go on too long. The fact that I’d make MM something different every single meal was outrageous. I have realized my fault in this and am taking charge, making a different plan, and meeting it head-on.

I spoke with a very dear friend of mine about this very thing earlier today. She stated that I need to stop giving him milk at meals because he’s “filling up on milk” thus not hungry enough to eat what is on his plate. She also stated that I should only be giving him water between meals…..so he’s nourished but yet will not be filling up on “good ‘ole Gatorade,” and other sugary stuff. No Snacks at all for at least a month. MM gets 2 snacks a day…….no more for now. He will be able to “earn” his milk & Gatorade back…..when he eats what is on his plate……but not for every meal otherwise he’ll expect it.

This path is a tough one…..but again…..I see the light!!!

 

Blessings to you and your children….

Mama249

 

It’s a Food Fight, Baby!!!

It wasn’t until recently that my “feeble” (lol) mind has realized something. Hard to believe, I know. My son has complete control when it comes to food issues. Phew, there, I said it…..it’s off my chest. I’m a bit ashamed about it too……but wallowing in that isn’t going to fix it.

This is a game to MM. He was holding the control……remote control as you will. He’d push the buttons that he wanted to go his way……I’m speaking of meal times. It’s funny, too, because I’ve always been “careful” of not letting him have the control.

Here’s what happened to us…..so it doesn’t happen to you too. MM was diagnosed with SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). He has a difficult time with loud noises. He’s a sensory “SEEKER” that will constantly be jumping on the furniture, running into walls, you name it, he does it. One thing I’ve noticed and don’t really do “anything” about because I feel he must NEED the extra sensory input is that he’ll walk on his toes…..but not just the run of the mill, walk on his toes…which he does do….but he will bend his toes downward and walk on the folded up toes…..I truly have no idea how better to explain it…..I’ll have to post a pic sometime. I’ve NEVER seen anything like it and neither has MM’s counselor. Anyways…..I have always thought his troubles with food were all related to his SPD. WRONG! I see that now. 

I was talking to a wonderful and very dear friend of mine who has walked this road before and whose daughter is on the path to complete healing!!! (YEAH!!! WAY TO GO!) She stated that MM sounds like he’s “very good at controlling food issues in our home.” That  is one of the many things I love about this friend of mine, she tells it like it is. No pulling the wool over your eyes, she’s amazing and I’m blessed to have her friendship. Back to MM…..when she stated this to me….last night as a matter of fact…..I knew in my heart of hearts that she was right on the money! How could we have let him do this? Well, easily….very easily! I got caught up in the not wanting a tantrum every single time we eat……OH……and I MUST mention this…..the LAST time we tried to “Make” him eat what we were eating, he stopped eating all together for NINE days!!!!! Nothing….I mean, NOTHING…..he ate nothing! He did drink so I wasn’t worried about dehydration. On the 9th night….I made Hamburger Helper…..he finally ate again. I was so worried about him the entire time, naturally. I’m telling you, this kiddo is stubborn!

Well, not wanting a repeat of the NINE DAY ordeal……I caved, we caved. I made seperate meals for MM and always (almost anyways) gave him 2 choices of what he was to eat. He couldn’t waver from the 2 choices……and I seriously THOUGHT I was doing good by him. BUT BUT BUT…..he still had the control at the end of the day when you really look at it. Last night, for example, I made Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup…..YUMMY….and set aside some noodles for MM. He arrived at the table and the look on his face was remarkable, as if I’d taken his breath away! Lost his best friend. You get the picture. He started freaking out, saying that he was NOT GOING TO EAT this!! He was trying to engage us in a battle. And you know what……that will be the LAST battle I’ll have with him…..I must if he’s going to heal!!

                                                                                                                                                                           

Today is a new day!!!! A day for real healing!!!!!! Lunch time came and I didn’t even tell him that I was fixing lunch. I just made it and put it on the table, called him to the table and waited to see what ensued. At first, MM was whining and pushing himself into me (which is what he does when he is whining and wants something I’m saying no to). I clearly and calmly stated that lunch was on the table (only 1 TBS of each item and when he finishes that…..he may have whatever he wants more of from his plate but doesn’t have to eat everything again) and when he finished ALL of it, he could have more mac-n-cheese. The other item on his plate was a chicken nugget in a kid-friendly shape…..which he always FLAT OUT REFUSES TO EAT! I never said another word. I ignored his “pleas”…..I went about my work in the kitchen. Then the MOST AMAZING thing of all happened…..something I NEVER expected!!!! He actually stopped whining, went to the table on his own and ate every single bite!!!! You go MM!!! I was so proud!!!!!! He stated he didn’t want seconds of anything though.

I thought, gee, it can’t possibly be THIS easy can it? NOPE…..along came dinner which I KNEW was going to be a TOUGH battle. I had left-over Home Made Chicken Noodle Soup (with carrots and celery mind you)! I also made him a grilled cheese in the shape of stars (I gave him only ONE of the 3 shapes). I knew he’d eat the grilled cheese, but the soup, no way. I was correct, too. He threw a heck of a fit……complete with pushing the table away! He kept yelling at me to “Take that nasty soup away from me! Why did you MAKE something that you KNOW I won’t eat!?” Stuff like that, but constantly!!! I went about eating my dinner. I calmly told MM that I was almost finished and he needed to figure out what he was going to do…..dinner would be over when I am finished tonight. I looked lovingly at him……and calmly said……”ssssshhhhh, it’s ok. I’m here for you. I won’t leave you. You can trust me.” He immediately calmed down and ate the single star grilled cheese….ONLY. He flat out refused the soup. That is fine……he’s learning…and will CONTINUE to learn as I won’t back down this time. I want my (our) son to heal and he can’t possibly heal if he’s feeling so out of control and yet that he has to control his environment. That is a tough pill to swallow…for anyone……especially a 4 year old who’s suffered trauma. He should be being a kiddo. He shouldn’t have to worry about these things. It’s high time I take the bull by the ring and do what I’m supposed to do….be the one in Control…..so that he doesn’t feel like he has to.

Blessings to you and your children…..

Mama249                                                                                       We don’t need any more of this, now do we??

How do you handle this very thing in your homes? Thanks for your input!!!!

I Simply Cannot Sleep, Although MM is Sleeping Soundly in His Own Bed!

Somebody pinch me! No seriously, pinch me! My lil guy is STILL in his own bed and it’s almost 6:30 AM!! This is unheard of in our house! My poor lil fella is so scared of his room……especially the closet and the dark…….that he simply cannot stay in his room a full night without calling out to Mama (he always calls for me) to come and get him & carry him safely to our bed.

It is a rule here that he at least has to start out in his own bed….which he balks at every night….then upon waking in the night, he certainly may come stay in our room and finish sleeping in our bed. I spoke with MM’s counselor about this and she said that this arrangement we have will create boundaries….necessary ones….and that she says it’s ok to have him co-sleep the remainder of the night.

It never fails…..somewhere between 12-2:30 am……he awakens screaming for me…..and I rush down to him and scoop him gently into my loving arms and comfort him, drawing him close, saying to him so that he knows he’s “safe now, mama’s here, it’s ok now.” He nestles his head into my shoulder, tucking his arms into his own chest (presumably to keep warm? Or he doesn’t want to hug me? I really don’t know what the answer is on that one), and breathing a sigh of relief…..as if he’s saying…..yes, Mama, I know you’re here now, I’m safe. Thank you, mama.

BUT…..this night…..last night into this morning……he didn’t do any of this. Boy am I a proud mama! He’s either so stinkin’ tired he isn’t going to wake up even if I were on “The Gong Show” and just banged on the gong! Am I really showing my age here with that last remark!? OR…..he’s getting better about wanting to stay in his own bed. Well, I know better……it’s NOT the latter!! LOL!!  Here’s why I truly believe he’s not ready for that yet…….and it’s just a fluke…..

We have an elaborate bed-time ritual that starts with all of us (myself, dh and MM) on the couch in the front Living Room and we sing about 5 lullabys. Then he gets to choose either mama or daddy to rock him in the rocking chair for 3 more lullabys, which are the exact same every single night….he loves it. We then move into his room……where he proceeds to start to turn his ankles inward, as well as his wrists, saying (actually whining and crying) he doesn’t want to go to bed, that he’s scared. When I see him doing the inward turning of the wrists and feet…..I KNOW, without a doubt, that a meltdown is going to occur very soon!!! I’ve learned to see his cues and work with him there…..meet him where he’s at, ya know, and try to curb the meltdown to a small whimper if even that. Well, after that, he goes into his bed, gets covered up….and MUST MUST MUST have his feet wrapped in a “cocoon” which is what he calls it, but it is just wrapping his feet up tightly in the blanket. With his SPD issues, he’s a sensory seeker…..I’ll write a post soon dedicated to just that subject…..he longs to be wrapped tightly to receive the extra sensory stimulation. He can be so hot….in the summer even….but he wants that blanket on him with his feet wrapped! We all kiss and hug g’night……then it comes…..he is terrified of his room! Of being alone! That darn closet! The shadows in the room! We have 4 nightlights in his room along with the overhead light dimmed. He will ask (always asks for me) me to stay in his rom until he’s asleep. No problem, right? HA……he takes about 1 hour to fall asleep because he’s so afraid and knows that I’m leaving once he does……so he does all in his power to keep me there for as long as he can.

Phew…..that is EVERY night. I’m glad to be able to be there for my lil guy. If it is what helps him to feel safe….then I’m all for it.

Here we are….and it’s now almost 7am…STILL in his own bed!!!!! Yippee!!!! Let’s cross fingers for this happening more often than not. Huh? Nah, I don’t think it’ll be anytime soon either.

Blessings to you and your children….

Mama249