Handwriting Without What? Oh You’ve Gotta Be Kidding Me?!

I’m pretty sure y’all know that Munchkin Man started school at a regular Public School for about 7 weeks and it JUST DID NOT WORK, right?! There was A LOT of knashing of teeth, wailing, and boy oh boy, was there a bunch of kicking, spitting, hitting and nasty words hailed at Mama!

Holding onto anger is like grasping onto a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
Buddha
Well, MM was “holding it in” as they say, at school and literally EXPLODING when he got home…completely at ME. The reason? Because he said, and I’m telling you the honest to God truth, these are his words….not mine and I’ve NEVER EVER given him a hint of any of this…this ALL came from him. He felt like a “Volcano was erupting inside of him” while at school and he “could actually FEEL it” in his body. It would start at his feet and then end up at his head by the end of the day. He could really FEEL this!!!! How horrid for a 5 year old to have this feeling ALL day long!!!!!! He’d come home, and couldn’t hold it in any longer, EXPLODE on Mama, and all holy heck broke loose! That was all she wrote! Then, when MM and I would talk about it after he’d be completely calm…..he’d say….”Mommy, you’re not fixing it! I’m hurting and you’re not fixing it!” Can you ever, ever hear your child tell you something like that and NOT cry, want to scoop them up and want to fix their every hurt and pain?!  Well, I sure did!
My son was screaming out at me:
I was between a rock and a hard place, too. I had to convince dh that homeschool was the place for MM. After MANY MANY MANY tears, trials and tribulations, it happened..dh saw what was going on. I posted about it in my last post. So…thankfully, homeschool it would be…PHEW!
Here we are now…a few weeks later….and where are we? Gosh, where the heck do I begin? Well, I think I’ll begin tonight with my title….Handwriting Without What? You’ve Got to be Kidding Me!!
I chose an Online Homeschool Program….one that I NOW regret immensly…..for US…..because of it’s extremely RIGIDand outlandish requirements that our particular State doesn’t EVEN require!!!!!! But that is another story that I refuse to go into. This particular program may work beautifully for someone else’s child/ren….but HOLY COW, GEEZ LOUISE…..NOT MY CHILD!!!!!!!!!
First and foremost….we were having an amazing first day of Homeschool! I welcomed him with a great Bulletin Board…which I cannot show you, because of pictures, I know y’all understand, right, complete w/ plenty of First day stuff…..his first day picture, our weather today, etc. It REALLY  is a wicked cool bulletin board, too!!!!! So, we’re pluggin’ along w/ our schoolwork and he’s doing WONDERFUL, and even calls daddy at snacktime, telling him “I LOVE Homeschool, daddy! We’re having fun doing xyz!” Then, right after the phone call…WHAM……it all came crashing to a total HALT…..
Handwriting time came and Munchkin Man (MM) had ALREADY totally learned one complete way of writing while at home with Mama AND at regular school and now, this new online program used the progam called “Handwriting Without Tears”…..he was going to have to TOTALLY re-learn a NEW way of writing……HUH?!
Ok….so they call this “program”…..”Handwriting WITHOUT Tears?” LOLOLOL….believe me….I’m NOT really laughing…..I’m dying and crying inside for my child…my FIVE year old son who is having a GREAT first day of Homeschooling and TOLD me in his OWN words…..”Finally, mommy, you fixed it!”
Now….he has to re-learn this crap?! Are you stinkin’ kidding me?! Well, when he SAW this…he had a complete meltdown…..a total meltdown. The day was DONE….and I mean done! I’ve NOT been able to teach him since!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gosh….that was, what, Sept. 17 and today is the 24th!!!!!!!! He has become increasingly angry….and BOY do I ever mean angry!!!! I’ll post about that in a later post….this is enough for this one post!!
My loving boy is lost….blown away in the wind…..the Fall is here…..and I can only guess that his loving spirit blew away with the warmth of summer’s memory. The crisp, cold dew settles on the grass in the early morn….just as the crispness of his heart barely wraps his gentle arms around my neck any longer. Where has my loving boy gone? Why did School take his heart? Why did you not believe me when I knew this would happen so long ago?
I want my little boy back!!!! I’m crying inside and out!!!!
Blessings to you and your children…..
Mama249
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Apologies and Big Sisters

The very first thing I would like to discuss is the fact that I was absent for a couple of months from the blog. Please accept my sincerest of apologies. It was never my intent to stay away from the blog for so long! I want to stay up to date and current with this blog…but for some reason it slipped by the wayside. Bummer! Every day passed and here and again I’d think of the blog and I wasn’t going to start a post, such as I am this morning…gosh is it REALLY 4 AM?? I’d get a post in my head, and I’d head towards the computer and as fast as I’d get the idea….something would happen to divert my attention and “poof”……the moment was gone. Anyways….I am saying please forgive me for being away for so long and I hope some of you are still “with me” holding onto hope that I’d be back….while there are sure to be others that have given up hope and abandoned ship altogether. I sure hope those who did so, have a moment of clarity and at least once, decide to check back and see that I’m back to blogging! Thanks to those of you who stuck it out and have been patiently waiting for my return. Well….to that I say…..”I’m back , and hope to keep going strong!”

I’m Back!! So sorry to have been gone so long foks!

Now onto more exciting things going on in our corner of the world. We are on a sort of vacation. I am not sure I’d call it “vacation” per se….but we are out of town to visit my older daughters, who happen to be MM’s older sisters. MM doesn’t know his big sisters very well…but he loves them so much nonetheless and they him. These are my daughters from a previous marriage. They live with their dad in a different state, many many miles from us. I HATE that they live so far away from us, from me. I cry so much because I miss them terribly. But I have accepted this as the way it is and am moving forward to be the best mama I can be for MM’s sake. As I write these words in a dimly lit room in the middle of the night (very early wee early morning), my guys are snoring in the background. It is peaceful to me….to hear them sleeping so soundly. And to be honest…..I’m a wee bit jealous wishing that I could sleep that easily! MM is in the opposite bed…..I keep looking over at him……and I can’t help but smile at his curled up body….gently curled underneath the warmth of the blankets that keep him warm. And then there’s myself…wow, what can I say about an over-tired soul anxiously awaiting her daughters arrival this afternoon!?

Come on girls…I can’t hold out for much longer…it’s been WAY too long since our last REAL ((HUG))!!!

I want to catch up on what MM has been doing for the past few months. We have been working very hard on a few things. One such thing is “impulse control” or really the lack thereof. I, too, have noticed a BIG difference in him when it comes to handeling getting upset over small things. He will quickly get upset, knock down the blocks and then builds again. Munchkin man (MM) got his hair cut on Friday and I must mention that he was incredibly MUCH MORE sensitive to those things around him. The scissors were bothering him each time they cut into his hair. The loose hair after his hair cut was ALL over the place. I grabbed a tissue from the opened box and wiped off as much of the hair that was all over his face, chest, etc. MM’s skin is extremely sensitive…hence the issues with his diagnosis of SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder. I remember all too well when MM first came home to us (from another Country), and when we took him to get his hair cut. After I see she was trying to let it grow out for a reason….lol. Getting MM a hair cut early on was truly a nightmare for all of us….especially MM  but ..it was a “necessary ‘evil'” one might say!” I cried every single time I had to hold him down in order to get his hair cut. It was horrible! Dh and I actually had to physically “restrain” him in order to get his hair cut. At the time, we had NO IDEA he suffered with the SPD diagnosis. If we had. We’d of certainly done much better in the encourgement department! As it is right now….MM is MUCH better about getting his hair cut, that is…..until this past week. Every time the hairdresser touched  him…it tickled more than a “normal” tickle, and the loose hairs that were falling off his head were driving him crazy…yep…too tickely!!! The hairdresser had an idea……she took her blowdryer and tried to “blow” the loose hairs off! And, any of you reading this who have kiddos with SPD KNOW that will never work because the SPD kiddos cannot tolerate the blowdryer. For one, it’s too noisy, and another reason is the sensation is just “too much”. The hairdresser apologized and said that she does so many ppl’s hair that it’s hard to remember everyone’s likes and dislikes….but she tries and is wonderful with MM. I really do appreciate her!!

Hey there Mr. Hairdryer…..I will not let you win this time! Oh no! Think again!

Well….I’m going to go try to get some shut-eye for a little bit anyways. Thanks again for hanging in there with me!

Blessings to you and your children

~Mama249

 

Yoga Anyone?

The food fight is still ongoing. Yeah……he’s stubborn, alright. But this Mama is not weak this time around……I’m still not going to give up on this. The last two nights Munchkin Man has refused to eat dinner. He pushes it away saying something like…”I’m not eating those nasty carrots or chicken!” I simply say, “Breakfast will be here in the morning, and by the way, don’t call my dinner ‘nasty’. It’s not polite to say that.”

I really don’t know what has gotten into me lately…..I have felt sluggish, tired and just downright blech. I truly feel it has to do with this extra weight I’m carrying unecessarily around, ya think! I’ve just felt so “blah”……like I’m a blob sitting here waiting for some miracle to happen and then wake up and it’s all been a dream…..and I’m skinny again!!! Wouldn’t that be sooo awesome!?

I’ve “magically” discovered that if I want to lose this extra weight, I’ve gotta get off my rump and do something about it. Gee….what took me so long to figure that one out…lol? I spoke with a friend of mine today and she stated that in the past 9 months, she’s lost 65 lbs and has managed to keep it off!! I’m so glad for her!!!! She gave me a great tip….drink lots and lots of water. Now, anyone who truly knows me….knows that I’m a true blue hard core Diet Dr. Pepper fan…..BIG TIME! You’ll be glad to know that I kicked that habit awhile back…..I no longer keep soda pop in the house AT ALL and only drink it when we go out for lunch/dinner. You should’ve seen me today……after I spoke with that friend of mine who recommended the water…..I think I must’ve drank about 10 glasses of water today!! LOL!!! She inspired me. Inspired me to actually do something about this…..rather than waiting for something to happen TO me…..I’ve got to DO something about it.

So…..a few weeks ago……or so……we ordered Netflix and while browsing the movie titles, I noticed they had some great exercise DVD’s to download and watch!! WOW…..Just what I needed!!! I was so excited. I thought….hhhhmmmm…..I’ve done some of these DVD’s before and never quite got much out of them…..HEY…..there’s Yoga…..never tried that before!! Now…first I tried this one Yoga called “10 Minute Yoga” something or other…..and it was HARD to do….but I stuck with it for that first week or less. I started reading the reviews (I know….I did it backwards…..I read the reviews AFTER I started the program…DUH) and found out that this particular one was NOT for beginners….Um…maybe that is why it was so hard on me. LOL!

I searched for a Yoga program more fitting to my needs. You see, I have Fibromyalgia and Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy which both cause LOTS of chronic pain. My Pain Mgmt Dr. recommended I do Yoga at my last visit as it would not only strengthen my body, but would actually help me to feel better (pain-wise). I wasn’t so sure I agreed at the time…..funny how we do that, huh? We pay our Dr’s to help us and then we don’t listen to them…..what is that all about? Anyways…..back to my search for a better Yoga program. I found one that is specifically FOR ppl with chronic pain and ppl who suffer common conditions…such as diabeties (which I don’t), weight-management (yes…I “suffer” with that), etc. This program, after pre-viewing it to see if it would fit my needs…..goes much slower and is more intuned with those who are in pain…..GREAT!! I finally found what I was looking for!! I gave it a whirl and haven’t looked back since! My son (MM) was always complaining when I would do my Yoga saying it took away from our time together…..he was getting a bit jealous I think….that I wasn’t keeping constant attention on him…which I don’t do anyways…..I give him SO MUCH but not constant. Then we sat down and had a little chat about it. I explained to MM that Mommy doesn’t get to play some things with him that he wants to because of my pain levels…..he said, yes, he knows that. Then I went on to explain that in doing Yoga, I’ll hopefully get feeling a lot better and be more able to do those things with him. BOY….he got so excited and told me to go do my Yoga!!! LOLOLOL!!!!!

Every day I get a bit more and more further along in the program…..able to go longer….as I’m learning and stretching those muscles that haven’t been used in a long stinkin’ time. I do have to say, though…..I honestly DO FEEL a lot better! I have lost about 6 lbs already (but gained a few back too) and my pain levels aren’t such that I cannot get down on the floor with MM for very long like it used to be. I’m sitting on the floor with him, playing and laughing with MM…we have so much more fun together because I’m taking better care of myself. I can actually feel myself getting more and more limber each day….a bit more even if only a tiny bit….so that I can be a better Mama to MM.

My point in writing about this? I have learned that in order to be a better Mama, I NEED to take better care of my health! It is vital in not only for ME….but especially for Munchkin Man….as he’s so worth all that stretching and Downward Facing Dog’s I do daily!!!!! When I get feeling like “I just simply don’t “feel” like it today…..” I think about MM….look into his sweet brown eyes……and say to myself…..how can I fail him by NOT taking care of myself!? I am a new person! I’m stronger…..and I’m more determined to succeed in this program!

What kinds of things have you promised to yourself to make YOU a better Mama? And what are YOU doing about it? Please share!!

BTW….today is Leap Day (Leap Year)…..My great-grandma’s birthday! She’s long gone to heaven, but I think of her a lot on this day. She was a kind soul. She could only speak broken-English (she was full-blooded Hungarian) and I remember vividly listening to her intently with wonder trying to figure out what she was saying. I found her so intriguing! I would sit at her feet or next to her and would watch her eyes (oh how they would glisten when she spoke) and would watch her mouth make shapes and sounds that were foreign to me…..I would imagine what she was saying…..Naturally it was always the most loving and wonderful things!! Happy Birthday, Great-Grandma…..You’re always in my heart, always in my thoughts….until I see you again…..XOXO!!

Blessings to you and your children……

Mama249