Have Yourself a Merry Little “Meltdown”!!

Hello everyone!

It’s been tough here, I won’t lie. We have more meltdowns and “bad” days than “good” anymore. I’m certain the Holiday Stress takes it’s toll on ALL of us, not just the adults that are hustling & bustling about making certain all is taken care of for Christmas. I truly believe our children actually FEED off of our own stressors and whatever environment we “provide” for them.

We ALL want a picture perfect Christmas Season, right? You know, something that looks like this:

christmas-tree1

We ALL wish for that! We ALL work so hard to make our own homes, lives and families have the BEST for Christmas….and I’m not talking the BEST presents either…..I’m talking about the BEST Christmas experience so that when our children grow up, they have fond memories of enjoying this amazing season!!

My own “Past Christmas” memories are so wonderful!! We NEVER had a lot of money growing up, heck, we hardly had ANY money growing up!! But my mom (single mom with 4 kiddos after my dad left her penniless..literally….when I was only 13 yrs old & there were 3 others younger than myself) was amazing!! She was so wonderful at letting us kiddos see the TRUE meaning of Christmas. Our Christmas’ were riddled with tradition!! I, still to this day, keep some of those traditions alive in my own family!! We never went hungry, but had little money to just be frivilous with it, as a matter of fact, the FIRST time I ate out in a restaurant was on my First Date when I was 16!! Mom knew what was important and stuck to her guns! I so look up to my mom and when it comes to raising children, I look at how she raised us to the BEST of her abilities!! I even remember one particularly financially hard Christmas for my mom and all of us kiddos only got ONE Christmas present!! ONE!!! And we all got the exact same present…a bottle of hairspray each. And you know what, it didn’t matter to ANY of us that it was ALL we got. Not one of us was resentful or upset, we were telling mom that she didn’t have to…and with tears in HER eyes, said she wanted to do “something” for us! We were all teenagers at the time as well. What teenager in this day and age isn’t begging for a cell phone, iPad, Wii, etc? Times have changed, haven’t they? Or maybe it is US that has changed?! Now that WE are the parents…we need to get BACK to what is important, don’t we?!

Well, little MM is having a rough go of things. With his SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), there is an incredible amount of EXTRAS going on around him at this, what WE call the “Most magical time of year!” We go to the grocery, & there are SO MANY extra ppl rushing about, SO MANY more lights, SO MANY more toys around every corner to get US to spend more money, SO MANY more poor attitudes as ppl FEEL rushed about, & I could go on and on and on. ALL of this seems somewhat “Normal” to us, right? We have grown accustomed to seeing this year after year. But I forget sometimes that my son, who is sensitive to those types of things, gets more “frantic” and “meltdowns” MUCH more quickly in those situations!! I MUST MUST MUST think of him first and foremost! Not the tree, not the decorations, not the last minute grocery shopping, and certainly NOT making this Christmas “perfect”!! It’s almost as if my son is asking ME……”Do you see what is really going on inside my head?” without saying a word….I NEED to be aware and sensitive to HIS needs!!

Do you REALLY see what is going on INSIDE my head

Let me be honest here. His behaviors have been SO OFF that dh even considered having Santa NOT come this year!! Yes, he’d get some things from us, but not Santa. I slept on it and prayed about it, because as tempting as it sounds to try to “help” him understand that his behaviors really ARE so off, taking away Christmas & Santa will NEVER EVER help him in any way, shape or form, I believe. This is NOT the way to reach our son…not at all. We are learning as we go. Needing to try “new and different” things as the old techniques aren’t working right now. They haven’t since he started school back in August. That really affected him in ways I’ve yet to understand!!

I am looking at this Christmas as our “Charlie Brown Christmas!” Why you ask? It really hit me a couple of days ago when my dh said something to our son and I’ll explain my reply to his comment. This year has been particularly hard on us. My health is declining rapidly, which doesn’t help MM with his stress levels in any way. I’m feeling awful all the time, and he sees that, but I’ve ALWAYS tried my hardest to enjoy and DO what I can, while I can!!! I haven’t even sent out our Christmas cards yet this year! Can you say, Way Behind!? LOL! What dh said was after he’d worked a double, mind you, so he was pretty darned tired to begin with. MM was starting to downspiral quickly as he’d been doing so the past several days whenever we try to honestly DO ANYTHING!!!! When we picked out our tree, MELTDOWN! Went to get groceries, MELTDOWN! Went to go Christmas shopping for him and he needed to stay with Grandma, MELTDOWN! Hence the name of my post…”Have yourself a Merry Little Meltdown!” Now, onto the other night…..we were JUST starting to bring in decorations to decorate our tree…MELTDOWN!! It gets all too easy to get extremely frustrated in the moment, doesn’t it?! We ALL do it…including me!!!! Dh, then turned to MM and said, “Gosh, we can’t do anything anymore without you having a MELTDOWN!! I’ve worked all night and then all day (double), without a nap before leaving and now I have to deal with THIS tonight, too!? Why can’t we just put up our tree without any Meltdowns?! Tell me, please!” I answered for MM, “Because this IS our normal!”

That is a hard one to accept…that THIS IS OUR NORMAL!!!!! Let me further explain why I said I feel like this is our “Charlie Brown Christmas”…..ok.

CHARLIE BROWN TRIES TO PERK UP THE FORLORN LITTLE CHRISTMAS TREE

Just as Charlie Brown tried his very BEST to bring the BEST Christmas tree he could find to the pagent for his friends, and we all know how that turned out, right?! His friends were SO disappointed in his choice. What if I were looking at our son as the tree? MM’s bring HIS BEST to us….and guess what? There is opportunity for growth, too! Not just for the tree, but for US in how we SEE the tree!!!!

Check this out:

charliebrownxmas4

We see everyone else’s “trees and decorations” and get upset with ourselves and second-guessing ourselves…wondering what is it that WE’RE doing wrong?! Failing to see the beauty in what we ALREADY have!!

Now this:

charlie-brown-christmas3

We talk it out, read a book or something online that stands out above all the rest to REALLY open our eyes to what is RIGHT in front of us!!! The ONE person who speaks to me the MOST is Bryan Post!!! He was an adoptive child who suffered from RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) as does my son. Bryan Post is now an advocate for ALL adoptive children and owns/runs and is a Counselor for The Post Institute. I listened to an interview he did just the other night, (it was done back in November though) and WOW, I was so glad that I did….it was JUST what I needed to hear!! I couldn’t wait to tell my dh to listen to it as well!! I HIGHLY reccomend ALL of you to give Bryan a try….he really knows what he’s talking about as he LIVED it!!! I’ve been following him for a Long time now and look forward to reading him, getting posts from him, etc. He is quite insightful!!! Here is the link to his blog: http://bryanpost.com/

Then we come to this:

Charlie-Brown-Christmas6Actually seeing the beauty for what it really is!!!!!! How amazing a place that is!!! How freeing that is for both the parent AND the child!!!!!!

And finally:

charlie-brown-christmas5Everyone else is able to see through YOUR eyes the beauty of it as well AND rejoice in it!!!!!

In closing, I’m glad my husband said what he did because it DID open my eyes that night. I’ve said it before, that “this is our NORMAL” but sometimes I tend to forget when we get busy with the holidays, and I shouldn’t ever do that. Our son comes before ANY holiday, stress, or LIFE event..by any stretch of the imagination!!!

It is my prayer that your family is able to enjoy YOUR NORMAL this holiday season!!!!!!

Many blessings to you and your children,

~Mama249

 

 

 

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Handwriting Without What? Oh You’ve Gotta Be Kidding Me?!

I’m pretty sure y’all know that Munchkin Man started school at a regular Public School for about 7 weeks and it JUST DID NOT WORK, right?! There was A LOT of knashing of teeth, wailing, and boy oh boy, was there a bunch of kicking, spitting, hitting and nasty words hailed at Mama!

Holding onto anger is like grasping onto a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
Buddha
Well, MM was “holding it in” as they say, at school and literally EXPLODING when he got home…completely at ME. The reason? Because he said, and I’m telling you the honest to God truth, these are his words….not mine and I’ve NEVER EVER given him a hint of any of this…this ALL came from him. He felt like a “Volcano was erupting inside of him” while at school and he “could actually FEEL it” in his body. It would start at his feet and then end up at his head by the end of the day. He could really FEEL this!!!! How horrid for a 5 year old to have this feeling ALL day long!!!!!! He’d come home, and couldn’t hold it in any longer, EXPLODE on Mama, and all holy heck broke loose! That was all she wrote! Then, when MM and I would talk about it after he’d be completely calm…..he’d say….”Mommy, you’re not fixing it! I’m hurting and you’re not fixing it!” Can you ever, ever hear your child tell you something like that and NOT cry, want to scoop them up and want to fix their every hurt and pain?!  Well, I sure did!
My son was screaming out at me:
I was between a rock and a hard place, too. I had to convince dh that homeschool was the place for MM. After MANY MANY MANY tears, trials and tribulations, it happened..dh saw what was going on. I posted about it in my last post. So…thankfully, homeschool it would be…PHEW!
Here we are now…a few weeks later….and where are we? Gosh, where the heck do I begin? Well, I think I’ll begin tonight with my title….Handwriting Without What? You’ve Got to be Kidding Me!!
I chose an Online Homeschool Program….one that I NOW regret immensly…..for US…..because of it’s extremely RIGIDand outlandish requirements that our particular State doesn’t EVEN require!!!!!! But that is another story that I refuse to go into. This particular program may work beautifully for someone else’s child/ren….but HOLY COW, GEEZ LOUISE…..NOT MY CHILD!!!!!!!!!
First and foremost….we were having an amazing first day of Homeschool! I welcomed him with a great Bulletin Board…which I cannot show you, because of pictures, I know y’all understand, right, complete w/ plenty of First day stuff…..his first day picture, our weather today, etc. It REALLY  is a wicked cool bulletin board, too!!!!! So, we’re pluggin’ along w/ our schoolwork and he’s doing WONDERFUL, and even calls daddy at snacktime, telling him “I LOVE Homeschool, daddy! We’re having fun doing xyz!” Then, right after the phone call…WHAM……it all came crashing to a total HALT…..
Handwriting time came and Munchkin Man (MM) had ALREADY totally learned one complete way of writing while at home with Mama AND at regular school and now, this new online program used the progam called “Handwriting Without Tears”…..he was going to have to TOTALLY re-learn a NEW way of writing……HUH?!
Ok….so they call this “program”…..”Handwriting WITHOUT Tears?” LOLOLOL….believe me….I’m NOT really laughing…..I’m dying and crying inside for my child…my FIVE year old son who is having a GREAT first day of Homeschooling and TOLD me in his OWN words…..”Finally, mommy, you fixed it!”
Now….he has to re-learn this crap?! Are you stinkin’ kidding me?! Well, when he SAW this…he had a complete meltdown…..a total meltdown. The day was DONE….and I mean done! I’ve NOT been able to teach him since!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gosh….that was, what, Sept. 17 and today is the 24th!!!!!!!! He has become increasingly angry….and BOY do I ever mean angry!!!! I’ll post about that in a later post….this is enough for this one post!!
My loving boy is lost….blown away in the wind…..the Fall is here…..and I can only guess that his loving spirit blew away with the warmth of summer’s memory. The crisp, cold dew settles on the grass in the early morn….just as the crispness of his heart barely wraps his gentle arms around my neck any longer. Where has my loving boy gone? Why did School take his heart? Why did you not believe me when I knew this would happen so long ago?
I want my little boy back!!!! I’m crying inside and out!!!!
Blessings to you and your children…..
Mama249

The New School….Homeschool!

Phew! It has been one whirlwind of a ride here at our home! Lil man has been home just short of 4 years now. It has taken him up till just 7 months ago to be able to tell me that he loves me ON HIS OWN without my saying it first! He’d come up to me and say ever so sweetly, “Mommy, I love you SO MUCH!” and he’d hug me SO TIGHTLY! I loved it so much as those of you who have kiddos with this kind of trauma know, it takes so much for them to trust us, to truly attach to us. to get to that point where they can BEGIN to heal….they MUST trust SOMEONE first BEFORE they can begin to truly start to heal. Well, it finally happened 7 months ago! Now mind you, he has NEVER been able to do this with ANYONE else, not even daddy, which hurt daddy to the core! Then, yep, school was coming. I could see changes beginning to happen to him. Somewhat subtly, and then somewhat suddenly in some instances.

His daddy was working SO MUCH Overtime that he was not seeing as much as I was seeing….so I tried as best I could to let him be aware of what lil man was trying to “let us know” through his behaviors. Did you know that I’ve since learned that Behaviors are actually a form of COMMUNICATION!!!! Think about it!!! I mean it….really think about it!!!!! When things are going well, what do our children’s behavior’s tell us?

Exactly! Then…he began “drowning” as I’ll call it….k. He was slipping fast and falling further and further away from the “trust” we’d worked SO HARD to build over the past 3.5 YEARS!!! I knew in my heart of hearts that lil man was NOT emotionally ready for Regular school, but my dh had to see it for his own eyes….no matter what I said or did…..dh just had to. I had to let it happen….no matter HOW MUCH I knew in my heart it was going to hurt lil man, if I wanted dh on board with this. It KILLED me…but worst of all..I knew it was going to kill a part of lil man. I don’t want anyone..and I mean anyone…to be upset with my dh for being like this. This is how he rolls so to speak. IF I had insisted that I Homeschooled off the bat….and dh had went ahead and let me….he’d of “never known” in his OWN HEART that he had done what HE BELIEVED in HIS HEART what was in the best interest for OUR son. Remember this….this is OUR son….not my son…not his son….OUR SON. NO matter how much I’ve studied and have been the one to go to the counseling sessions with lil man….dh had to know in HIS heart in HIS time…..that he’d done all he could do. Well, that time came the other night when lil man finally said something that dropped me literally to my knees!!!

We have a LONG, drawn-out bed time ritual that we do every, single night that includes lullaby’s and bed-time stories, lots of rocking (per lil mans choice of who rocks him that particular night), just to make lil man feel lots and lots of love….lots and lots of just knowing that mommy and daddy will ALWAYS be there for him. Lil man is VERY VERY fearful at night. Hence the bedtime ritual. When a child has experienced so much trauma at a very early age in their life….night time usually is EXCEPTIONALLY fearful for them. Lil man is NO exception. He always starts out in his own bed and then at some point in the night, wakes up screaming, always for mommy, and then gets into bed with us for the rest of the night. Now, the ONLY exception to this is IF daddy is working night shift: lil man immediately comes to bed with mommy at bedtime or if daddy is night-time fishing then the same happens. Lil man LOVES those nights as you can imagine!

Now…back to what dropped me to my knees the other night that helped dh see why Lil man really NEEDS to be homeschooled and NOT in a regular Public School any longer!! I was half-laying on the edge of Lil man’s bed and holding him sorta like a baby (he loves this). He was ALMOST asleep, where he’s really most honest at moments like this too! He tells Me (mommy) EVERYTHING really…NO ONE ELSE…not daddy…no one. I’m the ONLY person he really trusts in this WHOLE world…Really! This is why what he said to me that particular night shook my world to the very core! I said, as I do EVERY night, “Mommy loves you SO MUCH! You know that!” He then shook his head, “no” and closed his eyes, and said, “Not anymore!” I was taken aback and ALMOST cried immediately but really held it in to find out what he meant!!!! Believe me….THAT was HARD to DO!

So…I held him close….leaned in and asked, “Honey, you REALLY don’t KNOW that mommy loves you!?” He again, shook his head, “no” and said, “Not anymore.” I asked, “Why?” He said, and mind you, he’s been saying these words MANY MANY times daily since starting school, “Because you’re not ‘fixing it’ like I keep telling you.” I was so sad and broken-hearted at that moment! I could ONLY think of my poor child who ONLY trusts ME….and NOW he thinks that the ONLY person he TRUSTS in this entire WORLD now he does NOT think even LOVES him!!!!! All because I’m not “fixing his feelings he gets WHILE AT SCHOOL!” I was almost livid to be honest!!!! Yes, at dh. To have not listened up to this point. I couldn’t WAIT to go tell him what our son had just said NOW!! What was it going to take for dh to see what OUR son was screaming for help!? Anyways…..I held Lil man and assured him that I WOULD “fix it”!!! He then drifted off to sleep. I headed to our room and quickly told dh what our son said….

DH sat there silently. I expected more. But dh was taking it all in. By morning he told me I was right and we “WERE doing the right thing by Homeschooling Lil man”!!!! FINALLY!!!! Gosh….PHEW!!!! Like I asked before…don’t judge if you’re not here. ok. Don’t judge my dh if you don’t know him. I’m just letting you know MY struggles to get OUR son to be homeschooled. My DH had to see it with HIS own eyes. That is how he has to process it. I had to accept it, as hard as it was. I could see it plain as the nose on my face. BUT I’m here with Lil man MUCH MORE than DH is. I go to the Counseling sessions with Lil man. Lil Man trusts me…not daddy, do Lil man tells me things I cannot tell daddy, out of sheer consideration for our trust-pact we have w/ each other. I simply CANNOT break that with Lil Man!!! I won’t and daddy TOTALLY gets that!!!!!!

Anyways…..Lil Man is finishing out the week at Regular Public School. He doesn’t really WANT to….but he needs to say good-bye to his friends + he needs to transistion into this. We would NEVER just pull him out. NEVER. His first day of Homeschool is Monday, Sept. 17, 2012. Keep Lil Man in your thoughts and prayers, k. He’ll need them but I really think he’ll be fine. His FIRST words the morning after I told him were, “YEAH! My first day of Homeschool!” I had to remind him that he still had 3 more days of regular school left yet. He didn’t like that, but once realized, was fine w/ it.  We’ll be ok. My shipment of supplies is scheduled to arrived TODAY via UPS!!! I truly cannot wait to receive them!!!!!!!

I’m thrilled to get a desk ready for him and I’ll try to post more this weekend about his adjustment to his last day of school once it hits him. Then once Homeschool gets here..and yes….I’m going to Co-op to keep him in touch with other kiddos as I truly feel socialization is KEY….I’ll let y’all know how he’s adjusting to that.

Blessings to you and your children!

Mama249

Apologies and Big Sisters

The very first thing I would like to discuss is the fact that I was absent for a couple of months from the blog. Please accept my sincerest of apologies. It was never my intent to stay away from the blog for so long! I want to stay up to date and current with this blog…but for some reason it slipped by the wayside. Bummer! Every day passed and here and again I’d think of the blog and I wasn’t going to start a post, such as I am this morning…gosh is it REALLY 4 AM?? I’d get a post in my head, and I’d head towards the computer and as fast as I’d get the idea….something would happen to divert my attention and “poof”……the moment was gone. Anyways….I am saying please forgive me for being away for so long and I hope some of you are still “with me” holding onto hope that I’d be back….while there are sure to be others that have given up hope and abandoned ship altogether. I sure hope those who did so, have a moment of clarity and at least once, decide to check back and see that I’m back to blogging! Thanks to those of you who stuck it out and have been patiently waiting for my return. Well….to that I say…..”I’m back , and hope to keep going strong!”

I’m Back!! So sorry to have been gone so long foks!

Now onto more exciting things going on in our corner of the world. We are on a sort of vacation. I am not sure I’d call it “vacation” per se….but we are out of town to visit my older daughters, who happen to be MM’s older sisters. MM doesn’t know his big sisters very well…but he loves them so much nonetheless and they him. These are my daughters from a previous marriage. They live with their dad in a different state, many many miles from us. I HATE that they live so far away from us, from me. I cry so much because I miss them terribly. But I have accepted this as the way it is and am moving forward to be the best mama I can be for MM’s sake. As I write these words in a dimly lit room in the middle of the night (very early wee early morning), my guys are snoring in the background. It is peaceful to me….to hear them sleeping so soundly. And to be honest…..I’m a wee bit jealous wishing that I could sleep that easily! MM is in the opposite bed…..I keep looking over at him……and I can’t help but smile at his curled up body….gently curled underneath the warmth of the blankets that keep him warm. And then there’s myself…wow, what can I say about an over-tired soul anxiously awaiting her daughters arrival this afternoon!?

Come on girls…I can’t hold out for much longer…it’s been WAY too long since our last REAL ((HUG))!!!

I want to catch up on what MM has been doing for the past few months. We have been working very hard on a few things. One such thing is “impulse control” or really the lack thereof. I, too, have noticed a BIG difference in him when it comes to handeling getting upset over small things. He will quickly get upset, knock down the blocks and then builds again. Munchkin man (MM) got his hair cut on Friday and I must mention that he was incredibly MUCH MORE sensitive to those things around him. The scissors were bothering him each time they cut into his hair. The loose hair after his hair cut was ALL over the place. I grabbed a tissue from the opened box and wiped off as much of the hair that was all over his face, chest, etc. MM’s skin is extremely sensitive…hence the issues with his diagnosis of SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder. I remember all too well when MM first came home to us (from another Country), and when we took him to get his hair cut. After I see she was trying to let it grow out for a reason….lol. Getting MM a hair cut early on was truly a nightmare for all of us….especially MM  but ..it was a “necessary ‘evil'” one might say!” I cried every single time I had to hold him down in order to get his hair cut. It was horrible! Dh and I actually had to physically “restrain” him in order to get his hair cut. At the time, we had NO IDEA he suffered with the SPD diagnosis. If we had. We’d of certainly done much better in the encourgement department! As it is right now….MM is MUCH better about getting his hair cut, that is…..until this past week. Every time the hairdresser touched  him…it tickled more than a “normal” tickle, and the loose hairs that were falling off his head were driving him crazy…yep…too tickely!!! The hairdresser had an idea……she took her blowdryer and tried to “blow” the loose hairs off! And, any of you reading this who have kiddos with SPD KNOW that will never work because the SPD kiddos cannot tolerate the blowdryer. For one, it’s too noisy, and another reason is the sensation is just “too much”. The hairdresser apologized and said that she does so many ppl’s hair that it’s hard to remember everyone’s likes and dislikes….but she tries and is wonderful with MM. I really do appreciate her!!

Hey there Mr. Hairdryer…..I will not let you win this time! Oh no! Think again!

Well….I’m going to go try to get some shut-eye for a little bit anyways. Thanks again for hanging in there with me!

Blessings to you and your children

~Mama249

 

Crazy Lying…Boy They Weren’t Kidding When They Said it was CRAZY!!

MM has been doing a lot of lying lately…..well, not just lately…..but it has been increasing lately. Today was such as one of those days.

He was playing on my iPhone, which he’s allowed to do as long as I’m nearby. I mean, they are expensive, I don’t want it dropped as well, I want to keep an eye on him & keep watch over what he’s doing on the gadget. He mostly plays “Angry Birds” and “Cut the Rope” along with a string of other things…..educational and just plain fun games. NO BIG DEAL, right? Right.

Well, he was playing along while I was catching up on Facebook, and checking out my e-mails. I looked back at him, lying on the couch, and asked, “What are you playing?”

He replied, “Angry Birds.”

I said, “Oh how neat,” and proceeded to get out of my chair and go over to him to engage in some conversation. NO BIG DEAL.

He immediately hid the iPhone under the sofa cushions.

“Why are you hiding my phone?” I asked, very confused actually.

“I don’t know,” he stated.

“What are you playing?” was my very next question because it sure didn’t “SOUND” like “Angry Birds.”

“Nothing!” he said emphatically, as if I had NO RIGHT to ask.

“Give me my phone, NOW!”

He reluctantly handed my phone to me but first…..he turned the iPhone off thinking I’d not see what he was doing. BUT the lil bugger, in all his worriedness, turned it off incorrectly. YEAH, Score for mom!!

I turned it back on and saw that it was…….

get this…….

PBS Kids videos.

Oh the horror!! Why on God’s green earth would a 4 yr old hide that? I asked myself and him for that matter.

He couldn’t anwer me.

Or wouldn’t.

I had the words of Bryan Post ringing in my head and it was saying……”Ignore the lie, not the child.”

So I let it be for awhile. Told dh about the situation and said we’d have to figure out what consequences would be and go from there.

Later that evening, after dinner, when all was calm and we were playing…..I asked him again, “Why did you tell me that you were watching ‘Angry Birds’ when in fact you were watching PBS Kids Videos?”

“You know, that makes mommy and daddy sad when you tell lies to us. It makes us not able to believe you. When you do tell us the truth we may not believe you because you’ve told so many lies.”

“I’m sorry, mommy,” he muttered.

He honestly could not come up with a reason why he did it. He kept saying he didn’t know why he did it.

I was talking to a great, wonderful and insightful friend of mine tonight, after MM had gone to bed, and told her the situation.

She said, “Oh yes, crazy lying. That is common.”

I KNOW THIS…..I had not seen it though….I was too busy thinking of the WHY he did it……and thinking of the HOW could he. That is what gets us mamas and daddys in trouble with this…..I didn’t listen to Bryan Post at all. It didn’t sink into my very depths.

As soon as my friend said, “Crazy Lying,” I got it…….I totally got it. It is not premissable, no way, but it is something that RAD kiddos typically do, lying for no apparent reason.

Now, how do I show MM that lying is not the way? I show him by examples in my own life. I teach him how to be truthful. I will post more on this later this week……I’ll let ya’ll know what we did to help MM know that lying is not permissable.

So, from now on……believe me……I’ll write it on my heart…..”Ignore the lie, not the child.”

Thank you, Bryan Post…..you rock.

Blessings to you and your children…..

Mama249

It’s a Food Fight, Baby!!!

It wasn’t until recently that my “feeble” (lol) mind has realized something. Hard to believe, I know. My son has complete control when it comes to food issues. Phew, there, I said it…..it’s off my chest. I’m a bit ashamed about it too……but wallowing in that isn’t going to fix it.

This is a game to MM. He was holding the control……remote control as you will. He’d push the buttons that he wanted to go his way……I’m speaking of meal times. It’s funny, too, because I’ve always been “careful” of not letting him have the control.

Here’s what happened to us…..so it doesn’t happen to you too. MM was diagnosed with SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). He has a difficult time with loud noises. He’s a sensory “SEEKER” that will constantly be jumping on the furniture, running into walls, you name it, he does it. One thing I’ve noticed and don’t really do “anything” about because I feel he must NEED the extra sensory input is that he’ll walk on his toes…..but not just the run of the mill, walk on his toes…which he does do….but he will bend his toes downward and walk on the folded up toes…..I truly have no idea how better to explain it…..I’ll have to post a pic sometime. I’ve NEVER seen anything like it and neither has MM’s counselor. Anyways…..I have always thought his troubles with food were all related to his SPD. WRONG! I see that now. 

I was talking to a wonderful and very dear friend of mine who has walked this road before and whose daughter is on the path to complete healing!!! (YEAH!!! WAY TO GO!) She stated that MM sounds like he’s “very good at controlling food issues in our home.” That  is one of the many things I love about this friend of mine, she tells it like it is. No pulling the wool over your eyes, she’s amazing and I’m blessed to have her friendship. Back to MM…..when she stated this to me….last night as a matter of fact…..I knew in my heart of hearts that she was right on the money! How could we have let him do this? Well, easily….very easily! I got caught up in the not wanting a tantrum every single time we eat……OH……and I MUST mention this…..the LAST time we tried to “Make” him eat what we were eating, he stopped eating all together for NINE days!!!!! Nothing….I mean, NOTHING…..he ate nothing! He did drink so I wasn’t worried about dehydration. On the 9th night….I made Hamburger Helper…..he finally ate again. I was so worried about him the entire time, naturally. I’m telling you, this kiddo is stubborn!

Well, not wanting a repeat of the NINE DAY ordeal……I caved, we caved. I made seperate meals for MM and always (almost anyways) gave him 2 choices of what he was to eat. He couldn’t waver from the 2 choices……and I seriously THOUGHT I was doing good by him. BUT BUT BUT…..he still had the control at the end of the day when you really look at it. Last night, for example, I made Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup…..YUMMY….and set aside some noodles for MM. He arrived at the table and the look on his face was remarkable, as if I’d taken his breath away! Lost his best friend. You get the picture. He started freaking out, saying that he was NOT GOING TO EAT this!! He was trying to engage us in a battle. And you know what……that will be the LAST battle I’ll have with him…..I must if he’s going to heal!!

                                                                                                                                                                           

Today is a new day!!!! A day for real healing!!!!!! Lunch time came and I didn’t even tell him that I was fixing lunch. I just made it and put it on the table, called him to the table and waited to see what ensued. At first, MM was whining and pushing himself into me (which is what he does when he is whining and wants something I’m saying no to). I clearly and calmly stated that lunch was on the table (only 1 TBS of each item and when he finishes that…..he may have whatever he wants more of from his plate but doesn’t have to eat everything again) and when he finished ALL of it, he could have more mac-n-cheese. The other item on his plate was a chicken nugget in a kid-friendly shape…..which he always FLAT OUT REFUSES TO EAT! I never said another word. I ignored his “pleas”…..I went about my work in the kitchen. Then the MOST AMAZING thing of all happened…..something I NEVER expected!!!! He actually stopped whining, went to the table on his own and ate every single bite!!!! You go MM!!! I was so proud!!!!!! He stated he didn’t want seconds of anything though.

I thought, gee, it can’t possibly be THIS easy can it? NOPE…..along came dinner which I KNEW was going to be a TOUGH battle. I had left-over Home Made Chicken Noodle Soup (with carrots and celery mind you)! I also made him a grilled cheese in the shape of stars (I gave him only ONE of the 3 shapes). I knew he’d eat the grilled cheese, but the soup, no way. I was correct, too. He threw a heck of a fit……complete with pushing the table away! He kept yelling at me to “Take that nasty soup away from me! Why did you MAKE something that you KNOW I won’t eat!?” Stuff like that, but constantly!!! I went about eating my dinner. I calmly told MM that I was almost finished and he needed to figure out what he was going to do…..dinner would be over when I am finished tonight. I looked lovingly at him……and calmly said……”ssssshhhhh, it’s ok. I’m here for you. I won’t leave you. You can trust me.” He immediately calmed down and ate the single star grilled cheese….ONLY. He flat out refused the soup. That is fine……he’s learning…and will CONTINUE to learn as I won’t back down this time. I want my (our) son to heal and he can’t possibly heal if he’s feeling so out of control and yet that he has to control his environment. That is a tough pill to swallow…for anyone……especially a 4 year old who’s suffered trauma. He should be being a kiddo. He shouldn’t have to worry about these things. It’s high time I take the bull by the ring and do what I’m supposed to do….be the one in Control…..so that he doesn’t feel like he has to.

Blessings to you and your children…..

Mama249                                                                                       We don’t need any more of this, now do we??

How do you handle this very thing in your homes? Thanks for your input!!!!

I Won’t Give Up on You!

The last two days have been hard…..hard on MM and hard on me trying to figure out his triggers. MM was soooo crabby that it was horrible. It was almost constant.

MM is “usually” more happy go lucky than having a hard time with his rages and SPD, but not the last couple days…..phew. Is it something in the air? Is there a Full Moon? Whatever the case may be, he was not a happy lil guy.

Really strange, but on Saturday night, we took MM to see a Monster Truck show (without prior purchase of tickets) so we stood in line for QUITE some time. There was a lady 3 ppl up for us who asked if anyone wanted to purchase the tickets she had JUST purchased….strange, right? Well, her reason was none of the seats were together! Uh, no thanks…..this is family time and that means family sits together! We were just discussing that we may have to break the bad news to MM shortly as it appeared no seats together were available any longer……when we heard a loud voice come across telling us that the place had JUST SOLD OUT!! Sorry, thanks for coming he said! Uh…..we paid for parking (a ridiculous amount I might add), and now we just stood in line to have to tell our RAD child that we had to turn around and go home?! Oh boy! I was, to say the least, a bit nervous. We decided to go to the next building and check out what was going on with the crowd over there. THANK the good Lord above……there was more “stuff” going on that we could check out!! It was hilarious…..but MM told us he was having “fun!” Oh YES!!!!!! He understood that the Monster Trucks SOLD OUT……and he was “OK” with it. He is making strides for sure because this would’ve sent him into a tailspin a year ago or so. On the way home, MM stated, “This was the BEST day ever!”

Are you serious, I thought?! I was estatic that he was able to take a “hard” situation and turn it into the “BEST day ever!”

We got home…..that is when it all hit the fan. Bedtime is ALWAYS hard and it is ALWAYS a battle. MM started to melt down….quickly I might add. He was stiffening his body so that we couldn’t have him go to the bathroom before bed. He was in full rage mode. I sat with him in his room (just as I do every night) until he finally fell asleep.

Then came Sunday……Boy oh Boy was he crabby! And mean! Now….I know with every fiber of my being that RAD kiddos go through this…..but it doesn’t make it easier on either of us. I just trudged through the day…..doing lots of holding! Poor kiddo.

On Monday, he awoke with a furry……he was not over whatever was going on with him. We had a day much like that of Sunday.

The above picture is almost exactly what MM looked like for those 2 days…….phew…..poor kiddo.

NOw we’re here on Wednesday…..whatever it was that was either bothering him, or just was causing the tailspin, is over. I must say that during that couple days, MM decided he was NOT going to drink Milk any more and was going to strictly drink Gatorade. Uh, no you’re not. No matter how much I talked to him or anything…..he FLAT OUT refused to drink!! I mean ANYTHING until I gave him what he wanted. I was NOT going there and letting him control the house. I AM the boss…..I MAKE the rules (along with daddy naturally), not my RADish. I’m happy to report that his “fast” for milk and all drinks only lasted 2 days……he drank, of all things…..4 big glasses of Milk yesterday! I was thrilled…..he is still using a sippy cup for most drinking…..he doesn’t want to give it up. He said that the sippy cup doesn’t “allow air to touch his milk and THAT was the trouble! HHhhhhmmmmm….ok. So long as he got through it. He was glad to drink all that milk in his opened top Thomas the Train cup. Go figure.

Today is the first day of February! I’m thrilled because that means that Spring is not that far away! I adore Spring and all its splendor, the gorgeous flowers…..the budding trees……the occasional rain shower (I don’t like ALL the rain……just some of it)…..and the general awakening of “life” as it is. It is our opportunity to take a look at ourselves and say……”wow, I’d love more beauty in my life!” Plus the fact that I’m an beginner photographer (insert the fact that I’m still learning a lot) and Spring shows much opportunity for myself and my trusty Olympus E-Pl1. I had received it a tad over a year ago…..for my birthday……it is the best gift I can imagine…to be creative…..to chronicle MM’s growing up…..and to look back at the many memories that exist in photographs. I must admit……I’m addicted to taking photos…..seriously addicted!!

Blessings to you and your children…….

Mama249