Have Yourself a Merry Little “Meltdown”!!

Hello everyone!

It’s been tough here, I won’t lie. We have more meltdowns and “bad” days than “good” anymore. I’m certain the Holiday Stress takes it’s toll on ALL of us, not just the adults that are hustling & bustling about making certain all is taken care of for Christmas. I truly believe our children actually FEED off of our own stressors and whatever environment we “provide” for them.

We ALL want a picture perfect Christmas Season, right? You know, something that looks like this:

christmas-tree1

We ALL wish for that! We ALL work so hard to make our own homes, lives and families have the BEST for Christmas….and I’m not talking the BEST presents either…..I’m talking about the BEST Christmas experience so that when our children grow up, they have fond memories of enjoying this amazing season!!

My own “Past Christmas” memories are so wonderful!! We NEVER had a lot of money growing up, heck, we hardly had ANY money growing up!! But my mom (single mom with 4 kiddos after my dad left her penniless..literally….when I was only 13 yrs old & there were 3 others younger than myself) was amazing!! She was so wonderful at letting us kiddos see the TRUE meaning of Christmas. Our Christmas’ were riddled with tradition!! I, still to this day, keep some of those traditions alive in my own family!! We never went hungry, but had little money to just be frivilous with it, as a matter of fact, the FIRST time I ate out in a restaurant was on my First Date when I was 16!! Mom knew what was important and stuck to her guns! I so look up to my mom and when it comes to raising children, I look at how she raised us to the BEST of her abilities!! I even remember one particularly financially hard Christmas for my mom and all of us kiddos only got ONE Christmas present!! ONE!!! And we all got the exact same present…a bottle of hairspray each. And you know what, it didn’t matter to ANY of us that it was ALL we got. Not one of us was resentful or upset, we were telling mom that she didn’t have to…and with tears in HER eyes, said she wanted to do “something” for us! We were all teenagers at the time as well. What teenager in this day and age isn’t begging for a cell phone, iPad, Wii, etc? Times have changed, haven’t they? Or maybe it is US that has changed?! Now that WE are the parents…we need to get BACK to what is important, don’t we?!

Well, little MM is having a rough go of things. With his SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), there is an incredible amount of EXTRAS going on around him at this, what WE call the “Most magical time of year!” We go to the grocery, & there are SO MANY extra ppl rushing about, SO MANY more lights, SO MANY more toys around every corner to get US to spend more money, SO MANY more poor attitudes as ppl FEEL rushed about, & I could go on and on and on. ALL of this seems somewhat “Normal” to us, right? We have grown accustomed to seeing this year after year. But I forget sometimes that my son, who is sensitive to those types of things, gets more “frantic” and “meltdowns” MUCH more quickly in those situations!! I MUST MUST MUST think of him first and foremost! Not the tree, not the decorations, not the last minute grocery shopping, and certainly NOT making this Christmas “perfect”!! It’s almost as if my son is asking ME……”Do you see what is really going on inside my head?” without saying a word….I NEED to be aware and sensitive to HIS needs!!

Do you REALLY see what is going on INSIDE my head

Let me be honest here. His behaviors have been SO OFF that dh even considered having Santa NOT come this year!! Yes, he’d get some things from us, but not Santa. I slept on it and prayed about it, because as tempting as it sounds to try to “help” him understand that his behaviors really ARE so off, taking away Christmas & Santa will NEVER EVER help him in any way, shape or form, I believe. This is NOT the way to reach our son…not at all. We are learning as we go. Needing to try “new and different” things as the old techniques aren’t working right now. They haven’t since he started school back in August. That really affected him in ways I’ve yet to understand!!

I am looking at this Christmas as our “Charlie Brown Christmas!” Why you ask? It really hit me a couple of days ago when my dh said something to our son and I’ll explain my reply to his comment. This year has been particularly hard on us. My health is declining rapidly, which doesn’t help MM with his stress levels in any way. I’m feeling awful all the time, and he sees that, but I’ve ALWAYS tried my hardest to enjoy and DO what I can, while I can!!! I haven’t even sent out our Christmas cards yet this year! Can you say, Way Behind!? LOL! What dh said was after he’d worked a double, mind you, so he was pretty darned tired to begin with. MM was starting to downspiral quickly as he’d been doing so the past several days whenever we try to honestly DO ANYTHING!!!! When we picked out our tree, MELTDOWN! Went to get groceries, MELTDOWN! Went to go Christmas shopping for him and he needed to stay with Grandma, MELTDOWN! Hence the name of my post…”Have yourself a Merry Little Meltdown!” Now, onto the other night…..we were JUST starting to bring in decorations to decorate our tree…MELTDOWN!! It gets all too easy to get extremely frustrated in the moment, doesn’t it?! We ALL do it…including me!!!! Dh, then turned to MM and said, “Gosh, we can’t do anything anymore without you having a MELTDOWN!! I’ve worked all night and then all day (double), without a nap before leaving and now I have to deal with THIS tonight, too!? Why can’t we just put up our tree without any Meltdowns?! Tell me, please!” I answered for MM, “Because this IS our normal!”

That is a hard one to accept…that THIS IS OUR NORMAL!!!!! Let me further explain why I said I feel like this is our “Charlie Brown Christmas”…..ok.

CHARLIE BROWN TRIES TO PERK UP THE FORLORN LITTLE CHRISTMAS TREE

Just as Charlie Brown tried his very BEST to bring the BEST Christmas tree he could find to the pagent for his friends, and we all know how that turned out, right?! His friends were SO disappointed in his choice. What if I were looking at our son as the tree? MM’s bring HIS BEST to us….and guess what? There is opportunity for growth, too! Not just for the tree, but for US in how we SEE the tree!!!!

Check this out:

charliebrownxmas4

We see everyone else’s “trees and decorations” and get upset with ourselves and second-guessing ourselves…wondering what is it that WE’RE doing wrong?! Failing to see the beauty in what we ALREADY have!!

Now this:

charlie-brown-christmas3

We talk it out, read a book or something online that stands out above all the rest to REALLY open our eyes to what is RIGHT in front of us!!! The ONE person who speaks to me the MOST is Bryan Post!!! He was an adoptive child who suffered from RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) as does my son. Bryan Post is now an advocate for ALL adoptive children and owns/runs and is a Counselor for The Post Institute. I listened to an interview he did just the other night, (it was done back in November though) and WOW, I was so glad that I did….it was JUST what I needed to hear!! I couldn’t wait to tell my dh to listen to it as well!! I HIGHLY reccomend ALL of you to give Bryan a try….he really knows what he’s talking about as he LIVED it!!! I’ve been following him for a Long time now and look forward to reading him, getting posts from him, etc. He is quite insightful!!! Here is the link to his blog: http://bryanpost.com/

Then we come to this:

Charlie-Brown-Christmas6Actually seeing the beauty for what it really is!!!!!! How amazing a place that is!!! How freeing that is for both the parent AND the child!!!!!!

And finally:

charlie-brown-christmas5Everyone else is able to see through YOUR eyes the beauty of it as well AND rejoice in it!!!!!

In closing, I’m glad my husband said what he did because it DID open my eyes that night. I’ve said it before, that “this is our NORMAL” but sometimes I tend to forget when we get busy with the holidays, and I shouldn’t ever do that. Our son comes before ANY holiday, stress, or LIFE event..by any stretch of the imagination!!!

It is my prayer that your family is able to enjoy YOUR NORMAL this holiday season!!!!!!

Many blessings to you and your children,

~Mama249

 

 

 

Mashed Up Monday’s

In my Thesaurus, “Mash” has other words to take it’s place such as: Crushed, mixed, battered and pounded, pulverized, bruised, and squashed. What is the FIRST thing or person that comes to your mind when you read those words? Be honest.

Before I tell you who I think of first, let me tell you a story that happened here just last night. I was putting MM to bed and he was having a particularly hard time with bedtime…..it terrifys him to pieces. I try everything I can to make it as comfortable and transition to it as easily as possible for him. You see, my lil MM is terrified of the closet in his room. He puts approximately 5-6 LARGE books in front of his face to ensure that when lying down, there is no possibility that he can see the said closet. His fear is real to him. To us, mommy and daddy, it may seem silly or unfounded…..but we MUST remember that our children come from a place of Trauma and nighttime is the time that brings about all their fears. They are seemingly “alone” to fight those fears…..head-on…..and it truly terrifies them all.

Our bedtime routine is LONG and Tiring to myself but I know in my heart of hearts that it will in the long run help MM be able to put aside those fears of say, his closet, and other such fears he faces at night. I mustn’t and should NEVER EVER think of myself and what I want or what I “Feel”..it is about MM and his healing!!!!! I have to be on my toes and always thinking of new ways to conquer the fears and the RAD & SPD. Always.

Back to the story…..I was sitting in MM’s room and scratching his back to help him relax and get to sleep. Somehow (and I don’t remember how it all got started) but MM got talking about who he loves, which isn’t very many ppl. I found out. He then said, I love you and daddy and grandma….and X and X. He said, “But, mommy, I love you right here (as he placed his hands in the lowest position) and daddy up here (highest position) and grandma is right by you, and X & X  are up here between you and daddy!” Did ya’ll get that? I’m the lowest!! I, honestly, was stung a bit…..but truthfully understand that it is the Attachment and RAD talking….not MM. But the mommy heart….hurts. MM doesn’t trust me at all…..he keeps me at a distance and wants to love me…..but has been hurt so much that he doesn’t trust it yet….but I am determined that we’ll heal his hurting heart.

Now…for who I think of when I hear those words…..NO…..not myself in the least. I truly think of MM….he’s been through so much trauma that he feels pulverized, smashed, battered, crushed, pounded, etc. I cannot even fathom all that he’s been through in his short little life. But all he’s been through has caused him to be incredibly guarded of who he lets in. And mama ain’t one of ’em yet. Attachment challenged children cannot form a healthy attachment to anyone until they form the attachment to the mom. Think about it…..the reason for not being about to attach to the mom and it being so important to attach to the mom…..the mother was the one who relinquished them at birth. Very profound. I will never ever give up on MM…..no matter how low I rank.

Blessings to you and your children…..

Mama249

Do I Listen to My Dr’s Orders? NOPE!

I had to have surgery a week or so ago and was given Dr’s orders to not lift anything over the weight of a milk jug (5lbs). Are you kidding me? I’m a mom of a 4 year old with RAD! One of the MOST healing things that the parent can do for their RAD child is the holding technique. I’ve been doing this technique for quite some time now…..and my Dr. wants me to just up and “quit” doing this for 6 weeks!? I think NOT! How can I un-do all the trust-building that we’ve been doing by not holding him?

This was very evident this week when at first I was taking my Dr’s orders and not holding MM. He was in a downspiral all week….each day progressively getting worse and worse. I would do my “best” and sit on the couch and have MM climb into my lap and “hold” him in my lap….gosh it wasn’t the same at all….it didn’t feel that way to me, and I KNOW it didn’t to MM either. I finally gave in one day, he was having a particularly hard day, I sat down with him and asked him, “are you upset because mommy cannot hold you since my surgery?” Yes, was his tearful reply. I knew in that very moment….my surgeon may have known what was best for “me”…..but he sure as heck didn’t know what was best for my lil man. MM was regressing. He was hurting and crying out…..his acting out was a cry for help….for me to hold him. I will tell you this, I held my suffering child in my arms, no matter my pain….I’m secondary to him in my eyes…..for over an hour!! I cannot convey in words how healing those 60+ minutes were for us. But I’ll be danged if I’m going to let this hinder his healing. Not for a second.

MM can throw ’em with the best of them. The rages are so intense that he kicks, hits, screams, pushes me…..and all the stuff you’re probably familiar with already. I, with the help of much reading and talking to friends of kiddos who also have RAD, started using the holding technique. Now, there are different ways to do this people believe as I’ve noticed. Some people will put their arms over the childs (so the child cannot use as a weapon) and wrap their legs around their child’s legs (also, weapons of kicking) fromthe backside (to not have them headbutt the parent) all the while trying to “calm” the child while talking calmly and telling the child they are “safe”, and other such things. Now, while this may work well for some (usually the older kiddos too), I know it won’t work for my Munchkin Man (who’s still only 4 and weighs 33 lbs). I feel he needs to be able to look into my loving eyes and see and feel the love I have for him.

I hold him just as I would hold him for anything else. I’m telling you, it works for us. MM will be throwing a major meltdown, and it’s a struggle to get him in my arms, which tells me that he needs it even moreso. The more they fight it, the more they need it. I can even begin to tell that he wants it sometimes. He’ll be having a meltdown and will put his body up against mine as if he’s “saying” ‘please hold me, mommy. I need to feel safe right now!’ Anyways, I pick MM up and hold him, letting him see the love I have for him in my eyes. I speak in the calmest voice I can, telling him, “Shhhhh, it’s ok, now. I’ve got you. Shhhhhh. It’s ok. I’ve got you. You’re safe with mommy.” He will struggle for a bit, hitting, kicking, pushing me away from him, grunting, screaming. And then it happens……it just happens in an instant. He melts into my arms. He lays his head softly on my shoulder and I can feel him wrap his arms around my neck and he starts to play with my hair. Then, I know. I know he feels it. Safe for the moment. But the moments are just that….moments.

MM doesn’t trust us. Why should he? He has lived the first 18 months of his life in trauma. Trauma that I wouldn’t wish upon any child. To tell you the truth, we don’t know it all…..we most likely never will. And that is ok, I don’t have to know the details, I just have to know that my (our) son had to live it. Sad, very sad. It’s painful to look into my child’s eyes and see distrust and fear in all things (Oh my the fear…..I can go on and on about the fears). It pains me to know that MY CHILD is so fear-filled. I cry just thinking about it. The fear has caused him so much grief that he can not trust anyone…..not us, not anyone. The person who gave birth to him, he found couldn’t be trusted. The family whom he spent the first 18 months of his life with, they couldn’t be trusted either….so why should he trust us, even though we continually show him we CAN be trusted? He can’t let go of that fear just yet. It is his survival. It is the only way he knows how. It will take a lot of HARD work on all of our parts….to get MM through this. It will not happen in a year, not two, and maybe not three…..no time limit is set upon this…..it will happen when it does…..when MM feels it, when he knows trust is worthy. That we are worthy.

And until that day happens……I will hold my son in my arms and look deeply into his soul……..and let him know….he’s worthy too.

This is how I see us now……I’m guiding him into the warm “waters” and letting him know that it is ok, safe and even though it is scary…..we’ll go slowly….just look at it first. Then dip your toe in and feel it’s warmth. Know that it is not going to hurt. I’m holding his hand…..letting him know that I’m always there….guiding him and keeping him safe. I will never let go of his hand…gently holding and guiding. You notice the boy in the picture is holding a bucket….I see that as he wants to go and “play”…..but needs all my love and guidance to know and feel that he won’t get hurt again. And if he does……I will show him that I’m there to pick up the pieces…..and move forward…..always moving forward….two steps back sometimes…..but always moving forward is our goal.

Pieces of his heart……someday they will be whole again.

Blessings to you and your children…..

Mama249

What Did She Just Say?

A bit more than a year ago, dh, myself and MM went on vacation for our anniversary. We went to a lovely place….a place we try to go to at least once a year! A place we just adore. One evening, we all went to a pretty “well-known” establishment (I won’t say where to save face for the said establisment) and were walking around in amazement, having a wonderful time.

Dh and MM went off on their own while I window shopped around a bit. Now, I won’t mince words here…MM was being a bit loud in his excitement, but in no way was he being rude, or was he causing a problem and I’m not saying that because I’m his Mama….I’m the first to say if he’s causing a problem. I was in another section of the establishment and 2 lady workers were chatting it up while “working.” Then, to my amazement, one of the employees said to the other, while referring to my son and not realizing he belonged to me, “Now, THAT is why they have DayCares! Leave them there, ya know!”

I ALMOST went to her and said something. But no. I’m not usually one to cause a scene….mostly because I get lost in my words and want to say the right thing plus I HATE confrontations anyways. I immediately went to dh so she could see he was WITH ME…..maybe that would give her the hint that she misspoke. I told dh of her “opinion” of our son. He was furious, to say the least! “That’s it, we’re leaving right now! Put your stuff down. We will NOT purchase anything from them if that is the kind of ppl they hire!” I disagreed because the store, while being responsible, yes, for hiring ppl of quality to represent their establishment, cannot, CANNOT, be held responsible for what comes out of an employees mouth. Now….I do agree that it makes them look bad…yes. But responsible, no.

Dh was still furious and we left without our merchandise. I hate to say it….but it put a damper on the rest of the evening because dh couldn’t get it out of his head what was said about OUR son. Now, mind you, at the time, we were unaware of his RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) & his SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), but still, I assure you….he was just so excited….most likely sensory overload and couldn’t be quiet…..not screaming…..just loud. Saying things such as, “Wow, daddy, look at THAT!!”

When we got back home….a few days passed and it was nagging at me about what had happened back at the “well-known establishment.” I decided to give the manager a call…..now that my head was clear I could say the right things, calmly, ya know. She was so kind, and apologetic. She was going to get to the bottom of this, she stated. She sent us a gift card to use either online or next time we visit. Along with it a letter stating she spoke with the two women involved, reprimanded them, and used this story as an example of what NOT to do in her next meeting. No….they didn’t get fired…..or lose days without pay….just were told what is appropriate to say and not to say. That is all I wanted to happen….so another family wouldn’t go through this as we did.

Looking back after more than a year has passed, and I still have yet to use the gift card, I have had ppl say things about our son…..which I will post about at a later time…..things that have cut deeply, that hurt my heart….things that I hope and pray Munchkin Man didn’t hear…..and realized even moreso that I’m his advocate! I’M the one who has to step up to the plate for him while he’s so little yet….not necessarily to shield him….because the world is a cruel place and he’ll experience much, needing some thick skin……but rather to TEACH him that he’s ok. That ppl can and will be cruel to even the best of us…..and how to handle those moments. To not let those moments get him down on himself….or to let those ppl’s judgements shape who he is…..no way! To let him stand tall in the face of adversity and know deep in his heart of hearts, that he was made good by God….and that there’s a plan for him. My deepest want for MM is this……to have him be able to regulate himself and be able to healed of the RAD & SPD…..to live the life that God has laid out for him..and for him to be content and peace fulfilled with his life. Is that asking too much?

Blessings to you and your children….

Mama249

 

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree…

Here it is already…..December is upon us! This year seems to have just flown by. It is hard for me to fathom that Christmas is only a little over 3 weeks away!! Good thing we’re “almost” done with our shopping!! Which brings me to the subject for today’s post….the TREE!! Doesn’t everyone look so forward to going to get their tree? I know we do. Well, since last year that is. We’ve had a “fake” tree for our entire marriage, until last year when we finally broke down and decided it was time to have a REAL, LIVE tree!! Oh was I ever so happy, except for the constant sweeping up of the needles in my living room!! But it is so worth it for the smell of the freshness a real tree brings to the Christmas season in your home!

Munchkin Man and I went to the local Tree Farm and looked around for a suitable tree to fit in our Living Room….which dh told me would be a 6 foot tree. No problem…I can handle that. As long as someone else puts it in the back of the truck for me…lol. It was MM’s first time going to pick out a tree or being at a Christmas Tree farm….so to see his wonder and amazement was the best part of the day, honest. MM’s eyes were wide seeing the “humgoness” of them all, as he so eloquently put it. I only wish I’d of captured that look, his first look on my camera….but alas….I didn’t. It is etched in my memory forever though…..never to be forgotten.

MM wanted us to buy the Biggest and the Best tree we could find….and that tree happened to be about 12′ tall!! I had to break the news to him…..”Honey, daddy said we could only get a 6′ tree. That is all that will fit in our living room, I’m sorry, honey.” His little head hung with disappointment. Rather quickly, I might add, did his lil head bob up to see the tree he thought was “PERFECT”!!! Oh no…here we go again….”Honey, that tree is really tall. Let me show you how tall 6′ is, ok. Then you’ll know what to look for.” I showed MM….much to his disapproval, he agreed to find one on the rather “short” side. So we settled….and got a “short” and “honkin’ huge” tree….let me tell you….this tree is sooo big around….I kid you not!! It takes up so much room in our living room…..but it’s……..perfect!

MM touches the tree all throughout the day….saying how pretty our tree is….it isn’t even decorated yet. Isn’t that funny? Our tree looks like we have a tree growing in our Living Room…..and he loves it!!

This is what it’s all about…..the tree is all about……for us…..to bring a smile…..to evoke memories of Christmas’ long ago of our own childhood….and to make the best memories for our own child. I love that kiddo of ours with my whole heart, my whole soul….to the very depth of me…..and to see his smile, his laughter….to see him simply touch the tree and get excited…well, that just makes my day!!

Blessings to you and your children….

Mama249

Thomas and Friends…You’re a BIG Help!!

MM simply cannot cannot cannot sit still no matter what!! That is just who he is because of his RAD. I’ve accepted it…well, sort of.

I’m worried that when he goes to school next year he’ll have a difficult time with the teacher because she won’t tolerate the 20+ times he gets up JUST during a meal alone!! MM has gone to Daycare and Preschool since he came home from Guatemala until only recently when we pulled him out because it just wasn’t a healthy “healing” place for him. More on that in another post.  What they did for my lil munchkin man was for when he was in circle time, put duct tape in the shape of a square in his spot and he could move around inside of that spot ONLY. It worked for him. Phew!

He’s now home all day with me and we do “school” here at home. I’m not homeschooling per say, but I’m working daily with him as if he were in school. Not homeschooling because he’s only 4….but that is an option for next year….we’ll see where he’s at then.

I got a hair-brained idea the other day to make index cards with numbers on them and he’d have to cash them in to get out of his chair during meals. Today is only day two…and it’s working soooo well so far!!!! I’m very very pleased to say the least! Here’s how I made the cards:

  •  11 very large index cards (the very same ones that are for the ABC’s of Us)
  • Thomas the Train clip Art from Google Images (each train has a # so it makes sense to use those for each # and he LOVES Thomas)
  • Thomas and Friends Stickers for decoration on the index cards
  • Cool Colored typed out number names, ie: One, Two, etc..
  • tape and acid free glue stick
  • cutting board to make clean edges
  • coordinating colored papers behind each Engine

Instructions: Gather and print your Thomas and Friends engine photos…..the extra one for us was Sir Toppam Hatt. I’ll post a pic so you see what I did with him.  Cut out the photos, glue the photos of engines to coordinating colored card stock or paper. Print out from a cool font in cool colors that also coordinate, the number words…one through ten. Cut them out and glue them on the index cards. Use Thomas and Friends stickers to further embellish your index cards. I didn’t laminate them YET…but will be doing so because I don’t want sticky food fingers ruining them. The one with Sir Topham Hatt says, “Extra Special Excuse to Move!” It can be cashed in once all are used up.

Now…how is it working for us? Well, I made them yesterday….at dinner last night, he only cashed in on TWO of them!! And at breakfast this morning he only cashed in Four of them!! This is incredible because it was ALWAYS 20+times up per meal!! I’ve stumbled onto something here!! I hope and pray that if you choose to use this too…..it works just as well for your kiddos!!!!!

Peace and Blessings to you and your children…

Mama249

Sharing…..a Concept He’s Still Learning

Sharing isn’t a foreign concept to MM…..it’s just a concept he’s still learning and I had a proud mama moment yesterday.

It’s tough when you’re the “only child”…..or at the very least, the only one in the house. MM’s sisters are grown and live away from here. How does one learn to share when there is no other children in the house to share with? Well, it’s a bit harder and takes more time, but it is possible. You must model sharing for your child/ren to learn the act. There are games you can play together to learn sharing techniques. MM went through early intervention with First Steps when we realized something was amiss and we could not do it on our own. Things were going downhill and we needed the help to learn how to help MM, and to have someone helping Munchkin Man. (MM came home from Guatemala at 18 months of age)

First Steps came to our home for their initial visit to evaluate MM to see if he qualified for First Steps. MM totally surpassed all their “tests” except one…..behavior. They kept telling us they couldn’t believe how smart he was for his age. I tend to agree but I work with him a lot, which helps, and some of it is pure genetics. During their visit, First Steps watched our interaction with each other and made a suggestion to me. Something I never even thought of and just did without hesitation…..what you ask? MM would want something that I was playing with and he’d take it out of my hand and I’d let him. I never thought of it as actually TEACHING MM to not share, but also was teaching him that it’s ok to take things from other ppl. WOW…..was that ever eye-opening to me and dh. I have consciously never done that any more…not once. MM saw First Steps on a once a week basis until he turned 3. We were then on our own again……

Behaviors were getting worse and while at preschool, there were a lot of tears on the part of MM and other children because of lack of sharing…..I know this is a trait all kiddos need to be taught…it doesn’t come naturally. BUT….something happened yesterday that made me sooo very proud of MM….and he was proud of himself, too.

We were at a birthday party for a 1 year old…..and MM does NOT do well with children younger than he or even if they are his age and not on his level…..not a good mix for him. He tends to get extremely frustrated and makes this grunting, aggravated noise if anyone comes near him. MM was getting very very antsy just sitting watching the baby and others mingle…..he needed to be active and NOW, not later. I took MM to the back of the room where there was an empty space and let him play with a balloon…kicking it, hitting it, throwing it up in the air…..he was having a great time. As the party wore on, more and more kiddos were showing up and MM didn’t like that at all and expressed his dislike of this…..too much chaos in his world is not good…..and something that you and I think is nothing at all, like more ppl showing up and it filling up, was simply too much for him.

There was a little girl who had just gotten to the party and she was the ONLY lil kiddo without a balloon. She was crying, naturally. I told MM that it would be very nice to let her play with the balloon he was playing with since he’d been playing with it for a LONG time and she didn’t have anything to play with. He expressed that he still wanted to play with it. I said, “How would you feel if you just got here and everyone else had one but you?” Sad, he said. Then he walked over to the little, crying girl and offered her his balloon. I was sooo proud of him!!!!

He had been learning bit by bit……but what I was honestly trying to teach him beyond the sharing was empathy. Children with RAD lack empathy. It’s a start but boy oh boy…….we’re making progress. I celebrate each and every step….however small it is!

God’s blessings to each of you….

Mama249