“Beaten in a race? By whom? Not you, surely! I bet there’s nobody in the world that can win against me, I’m so speedy. Now, why don’t you try?”
Annoyed by such bragging, the tortoise accepted the challenge. A course was planned, and the next day at dawn they stood at the starting line. The hare yawned sleepily as the meek tortoise trudged slowly off. When the hare saw how painfully slow his rival was, he decided, half asleep on his feet, to have a quick nap. “Take your time!” he said. “I’ll have forty winks and catch up with you in a minute.”
The hare woke with a start from a fitful sleep and gazed round, looking for the tortoise. But the creature was only a short distance away, having barely covered a third of the course. Breathing a sigh of relief, the hare decided he might as well have breakfast too, and off he went to munch some cabbages he had noticed in a nearby field. But the heavy meal and the hot sun made his eyelids droop. With a careless glance at the tortoise, now halfway along the course, he decided to have another snooze before flashing past the winning post. And smiling at the thought of the look on the tortoise’s face when it saw the hare speed by, he fell fast asleep and was soon snoring happily. The sun started to sink, below the horizon, and the tortoise, who had been plodding towards the winning post since morning, was scarcely a yard from the finish. At that very point, the hare woke with a jolt. He could see the tortoise a speck in the distance and away he dashed. He leapt and bounded at a great rate, his tongue lolling, and gasping for breath. Just a little more and he’d be first at the finish. But the hare’s last leap was just too late, for the tortoise had beaten him to the winning post. Poor hare! Tired and in disgrace, he slumped down beside the tortoise who was silently smiling at him.
“Slowly does it every time!” he said.
Now…what do I mean by RAD Style for this story? A lot ot things really…my mind is racing with examples! First thing I think of is the fact that we as parents try so hard to find all the answers to RAD, SPD, etc. We went it NOW! We want healing NOW. It drives us plum crazy all the incessant nonsense questions, all the raging, all the yelling, kicking, screaming, hurtful words…we want it to just stop it NOW! Well, it isn’t gonna happen….at all. Healing….true healing, takes time….a slow and steady pace of healing. Who do you think is the Hare? The tortoise? But as you notice at the end of the story….the tortoise WINS…HE WINS! Now, I’m in no way saying we as parents lose…not at all…….we lose if we take the hare’s approach and nap through this. Let’s take notice and keep it a steady pace…k. For our children who desperately depend on us…..for everything. They don’t want to admit it, but they need us. They learned early on to depend on themselves…adults were not trustworthy. BUT WE ARE….so show them that we are! When we get upset, when we yell, or just plain walk away….they win….they proved that we aren’t trustworthy at all. The best thing we can do for our children is to be present with them…QUIETLY!! Let them work it out with our presence or help them work through it if they are younger. THIS IS HARD WORK…..for all involved. But don’t give up…..I can’t give up…..none of us can. (when I write these posts….they are so much for me too…very theraputic for me to work it out on “paper” so to speak.)
One of the other examples of this story is reminding me of how my MM ALWAYS has to win….it is horrible if he doesn’t. I was told by the therapist that it is due to his low self-esteem…that he has such a low self-worth that he has to prove himself constantly. How sad is that? It is my job to help…..but how!? OH…we must learn as much as we can and do what works for our child/children. I for one, am learning daily….sometimes something new to try because what I was trying wasn’t working at all….this is a process. A slow and steady process……(note to self….ingrane this in my brain!!)
Peace and blessings to you….